the upside of trollapalooza 2006

It looks like I'm going to be on the Dr. Keith Abelow show on Fox. I don't know when yet, but it's in the not-too-distant future, so get ready to set your tivos...

So, I met Richard at Trollapalooza 2006 (read the link for full backstory) and after the cameras had all been turned off, I offered to show him around the city on Thursday night. And we had one of the best times I've had in a while! I took him to Grand Central and Top of the Rock (which I HIGHLY recommend for everyone, especially New Yorkers) and to a very bad Tupperware-inspired art exhibit at the AOL/Time Warner Center (which I highly recommend for anyone who wants to be bored or let down). We had dinner and dessert and one of the most enjoyable conversations I've had in a while.

We really connected. But over calamari and cobb salad Richard revealed to me the real reason he was being flown up to meet Sarah, the 29 year-old virgin from Jane Magazine -- he, too, was a 29 year old virgin (just from Texas, not Jane Magazine). Hmmm. Now, at first glance, you'd never guess it. He's adorable, not at all awkward or geeky (and nothing like Staring Joseph). But over the course of the evening, it began to make sense to me. I felt really comfortable with him (like he was my friend's little brother or something) and, as such, we shared a lot of pretty emotional stuff. But there was no sexual energy between us. And, while I tend to bring more than my fair share of sexual energy to a conversation, it seemed to dissipate in the space between us. I can't fully explain it, but after a while, I stopped putting it out there. At one point in the evening, we went to his hotel room to pee, and it was really the first time I've been in a guy's hotel room without there being a chance of something happening. Sure, I could have stepped up and made something happen, but having received no sexual signals from him over dinner, I figured it would either be rebuffed, or would be an evening of Kate's In Charge. (And while I don't mind a good evening of Kate's In Charge, I'm trying to only go in for balanced affairs these days. They're cleaner.)

Richard said that he was frustrated by women's expectation that a guy make the first move. He said that it puts a lot of pressure on the guy. But I argued that women respect a guy who's willing to go out on a limb a little, and take that risk. [Maybe this is the rationale behind guys hissing at me on the sidewalk -- they're just taking a really big risk, so I'll probably really respond...] Sexual chemistry is something that's really hard to dissect and examine. Really, you either have it or you don't. And it wouldn't surprise me if he has it, but just doesn't trust it or know what to do with it. But it's kind of fascinating to be the one on the other end of that energy. To watch how it ended up affecting me.

I feel like I made a really good friend that night, but one who was (for whatever reasons) not at all interested in sleeping with me. (I'm going to guess that's not actually the case, but that's how it came across.) And after all these dates I've gone on with complete strangers, where there was no connection at all -- neither emotional nor chemical -- it was at least nice to remember what it's like to get past someone's outer layer.



SIDEBAR: Richard said the show makes him look awful. I would just like to say for the record that he's not awful. He's a great guy, and I think that ditching that virginity (ha! easy for me to say) will help him out immensely with women. Also, there's a chance he'll be reading this, so please be thoughtful in your comments.