tuvan throat singers

Last night I was exceedingly cultural and went to a concert by a group of Tuvan throat singers called Alash at Judson Memorial Church. But Kate, what is Tuvan throat singing? Only the coolest thing since sliced bread. (Even despite the fact that "throat singing" sounds an awful lot like some sort of filthy euphemism. It's not. I promise. The concert was in a church!)

A little background:
This is Tuva:

According to the wikipedia, it has the geographic center of Asia in it.
Here are some of the cities (and I think the legend is in German, just so we're super-multi-national):
Tuva was ruled first by the Mongols, and then by the Chinese and, over time, the Russians started coming to town, thinking that maybe they'd like to take over. In a treaty with Russia, China said they could only stay if they lived in tents or boats. (Talk about housing discrimination)
More time went by, and eventually Tuva got assimilated into the USSR. (they didn't know how lucky they were... boy!) China kind of never agreed to this and still pretends that Tuva (now an independent country) is part of China.

Ok, class dismissed; back to the concert.

There were four Tuvan guys, in traditional costumes, with long hair and traditional instruments who sat down in front of us and started to play. And then, part-way through the first song you hear this

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

coming from somewhere in the basement. Except it's not coming from the basement, it's coming from the guy in the black robe (who looks like he's trying to poop a ring box).

Then someone starts playing a drum and someone starts playing a pipe and all four of them are singing... and wait a second! This isn't possible. There's no pipe!

Then the Irritating-American-Band-Manager-Who-Lives-In-Tuva-And-Speaks-Tuvan-Fluently-Because-He-Translated-The-Lyrics-On-The-CD-And-Has-A-Very-Tough-Tuvan-Wife-Chuckle-Chuckle-Blah-Blah-Blah told us what was going on. One of the styles of throat singing produces this high pitched, almost bell or whistle sound. And blue-robe guy demonstrated it again.

I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. It was the coolest thing.

You can't really understand it without experiencing it, so I'd recommend going here and here to get a sense of what this was really like.

And, while I didn't meet any hot single guys, I am just that much more culturally knowledgable and interesting when I do.

"Hey, what did you do this weekend?"
"Well, I went to hear these Tuvan throat singers..."

hmm... maybe not.

i'm not kidding about having summer fun!

You may have thought I was crazy when I posted a list of things to do this summer. She can't possibly go to all of them, you thought. That would be unbelievable! She's amazing! Well, you were right. (About all of that.)

However, I really am planning to do as many of them as I can. So last night, I went to see John Pizzarelli and Paula West at Rockefeller Park. Except that I made a few serious errors in planning my evening:

1. Rockefeller Park is at the north end of Battery Park City, not Battery Park. (hence, a very long walk ensued)

2. The concert was at its rain location, which was Stuyvesant High School. (which was cool, actually because a: it was air conditioned (hi, it's been in the 90s in NYC this week!) and b: I have been known, in my time, to have been obsessed with a boy or two who went to high school there. And, while it's a completely different school now than it was when they were there, I somehow feel I've completed a new level in my obsession. Unintentionally.)

(Intentionally would have been Very Bad.)

By the time I got there (see "very long walk" above), Paula West had finished her set, my armpits were completely wet and the show was in it's intermet(zo). (yay! bad poetry!)

I started walking into the school, the guy at the door said, "Ticket?" and I said, "But isn't this free?" And he said, "Yes. But you need a ticket." And I said, "I don't have one." And he said, "Well, you have to have one." And I said, "Well, where can I get one?" And he said, "You can't. We're sold out." And I said, "Harumpf."

So I stopped a lovely lady on her way out and I said, "Excuse me, are you leaving?" And she was foreign and gave me a very lovely blank stare. Luckily, her friend behind her said, "Yes, we are." I said, "Could I borrow your ticket?"

So I looked my gift-horse in a non-oral location, showed Door Guy my pilfered ticket, and waltzed right into a seat in the back.

It was awesome! John Pizzarelli is a great performer (as well as a great musician -- although, really, what do I know about jazz??), and he was charming, crooning and carousing up a storm.

Oh, did I mention I went alone? And that I had an excellent time?

Yeah, this is going to be a terrific summer!

p.s. I'm going to hear throat singers tonight -- more specifically "a young quartet of Tuvan xoomeizhi (throat singers) and instrumentalists mentored by one of the best-known figures of that genre, Kongar-ool Ondar (of Genghis Blues fame)." You know, good old Kongar-ool Ondar. RAWK!!

a merry assortment of uselessness

In absolutely no particular order:

1. It's very hard to limp on both legs. One, sure, you just balance on the other, and swing the gimpy one around. But both? "It's Quasimodo time, it's Quasimodo time..." (p.s. this link is wikkid scary)

B. I've been doing some very scientific research lately, and I've discovered that if you already have to pee when you start eating asparagus, that pee won't smell like asparagus pee. Unless, maybe, you wait too long. (I didn't get into timing specifics. That would actually be scientific, and might require .)

III I spent the night with a very distinguished older gentleman last night, and let me just say, I was so worried all night that I would accidentally kick him and break his leg that I barely slept. Follow the link to see a picture of him: gorgeous older guy
(isn't he beautiful? And who would believe he's almost 20? (or is he already 20? I didn't ask and he didn't tell...))

d) This is an actual law firm. Seriously. Are they kidding?

Fifth: I got an email (through myspace) from this guy:
He wrote: "wow you look really good to me"
I wrote: "you look like a boat."

i am corporately challenged!

That's right, I'm athletic!

Last Thursday night I ran in the JP Morgan Corporate Challenge with, oh, about 14,999 other people! It was absolutely the coolest thing I've done in a while. Bobbing and weaving through a sea of all sorts of people, I finished the 5k (3.5 mile) race in 35:36 (which was really more like 31:36, given our extended march in place at the start).

Team M&S headed out from our offices around 6pm, a ragtag bunch of non-matching-shirt-wearing competitors (which was kind of sad, when you looked around and saw all these cool, matching-shirt-wearing teams... but whatever). And to add to the fun of walking across town with a number pinned to your shirt, with a bunch of co-workers you might not otherwise choose to hang out with (although mine were all really cool, actually), it started to rain. A nice little drenching rain, the kind that hits you with big, fat, ice-cold drops in the middle of your head.
As we neared the starting line, the rain abated, and two of our team split off (because they actually cared about their finishing times) and placed themselves in the "six minute mile" starting area. The rest of us lingered near the border of "ten minute mile" and "non-competitive start" (which really felt like a euphemism of sorts -- "hey, are you going to the gym today?" "Naw, I'm going to the non-competitive sports arena.")

The race started, and we marched in place for a while. Four minutes, actually. My crowd-o-phobia (technically agoraphobia, but I don't want you to think I'm some stuck-indoors-weirdie) started to kick in... precisely when we started running. (Thank god.) And with that, Team M&S dispersed itself into the winds.

I started passing people. Walking people, running people, old people, young people -- clients! That was fun. "Hey, Company XYZ! We represent them! Oh, and there's Stinky & Winky LLP! They were on the opposite side of our deal!"

And as I passed walkers -- who had clearly started in the wrong section, thank you very much -- I thought about how proud I was to be running. Not running to represent my company (because for all anyone knew I worked at Old Navy -- and I was running under someone else's name, since I hadn't actually signed up to do the Corporate Challenge in the first place), but just how awesome it was to be able to move that way, that fast, that consistently, with that much power and without throwing up.

Just looking ahead and seeing this sea of bouncing bodies, packed almost elbow to elbow, navigating a way around them, through them... it was the neatest thing. Less than neat, however, were the waves of jiggling thighs. And I don't just mean one or two. Thousands of thighs jiggled. Which, while moderately horrifying, was also secretly cool. My thighs either blended in with Jiggle Fest 2007, or they didn't. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and didn't even think about them.

A mile or two in, I was still passing people (and granted, people were still passing me), and I found a cute guy from a law firm (I think Anderson & Olick?) and paced myself on him. Did he notice? Probably not, since I was mostly behind him. Realizing this, I surged ahead. But then I didn't have him to pace myself on. So I retreated. (Surge, rinse, retreat... try to internet stalk, fail.)

Anyway, the race ended and the runners were stuck in this penned-in area, feeling a strange urge to moo or baa. And the race organizers were handing out bottles of water, and (I'm not kidding here) PARFAIT. Just about the last thing I want to put in my body after running three and a half miles in the New York humidity has anything to do with Jell-o or cream. Barf central.

When the crowds thinned out (and all the cool teams went to their Post Run Tents, which we, alas, did not have), Team M&S was supposed to meet at Bethesda Fountain and head over to Brother Jimmy's, a BBQ restaurant on 91st and 2nd (or 1st, I forget). Which would have been fine, except that only one member of the team met me at the fountain, and by the time she got there, it was starting to rain again. And this time it wasn't going to let up so easy.

On our post-run-jog-in-the-rain-to-the-restaurant, we met up with some more of our folks and made as mad a dash to the bar as we could. I have to say, the race was way cooler (and waaaaay less smelly) than the after party. Talk about corporately challenged!

I had a really excellent time and would totally do this again. (Especially now that I have my M&S shirt... ahem, six days late.) I'm psyched, too that the run was for charity, and next year, if I'm still working here (please god, no!), I'm totally taking resumes and just handing them out along the way.

Although, now that I think about it... I have a bunch of headshot postcards left over, with my phone number on them... maybe I'd take them too. (Or should I just send them over to Anderson & Olick and ask if anyone recognizes me??)

good things to do on a date this summer!

Since the dating thing is not going so well for me (there's a Franz update, but I'm too busy kicking myself in the head to write about it), I offer you these free events to do this summer. Use them to plan your own dates. Use them as a good excuse to ask me out. Use them for a girls' night out. Use them on your own -- but I encourage you to use them with someone else. Why not?

ONGOING
Boomerang Theatre's Production of All's Well That Ends Well
FREE
Central Park: Enter at CPW and 69th Street
"Bertram is too proud to be tied down to any woman. He'd rather go off to the wars, make his reputation and achieve glory. But Helena's got other plans. With a little mystery and little trickery, she just might get her man yet..."
Every Saturday and Sunday, June 23rd through July 22nd at 2pm.
(website)

Folks on the Island! A Governors Island Folk FestivalDATE: Jul 7, 14, 21 & 28, 2007
TIME: 1:30pm
PRICE: Free
Trinity Church presents a summer folk festival on Governors Island. Visit www.folksontheisland.com for more information.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Governors Island
PHONE: 212-602-0800

La Vie (Not free. Sorry!)
DATE: ongoing/various
TIME: 9:30pm
PRICE: $25/$55
The first ever theatro-batic show especially crafted for a Spiegeltent; aerial acrobatics, wild characters and wicked music will ignite the Spiegelworld stage. Through September 30. Showtimes vary, call for details.
TYPE: Theater
LOCATION: Spiegelworld at the Fulton Fish Market, South Street under the Brooklyn Bridge
PHONE: 212-279-4200

Absinthe (Ok, also not free, but I think that's the last one... maybe.)
DATE: ongoing/various
TIME: 7:30pm
PRICE: $50$55/$69
The most sultry acro-burlesque variety show in town featuring seductive artists performing amazing feats of balance, strength and danger with unfathomable flexibility. Through September 30. Showtimes vary, call for details.
TYPE: Theater
LOCATION: Spiegelworld at the Fulton Fish Market, South Street under the Brooklyn Bridge
PHONE: 212-279-4200

Summer on the Hudson: Kayaking on the Hudson
10:00 am - 5:00 pm
Saturdays & Sundays, May 19 – October 14, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Join the Downtown Boathouse for 20-minute instructional paddles, and explore the Hudson River first hand. Please wear a bathing suit or shorts and a t-shirt, and know how to swim.
Weather permitting. Daily Weather Status: (646) 613-0740
Location: 72nd Street & the Hudson River
(website)

Visit Governors Island
DATE: Saturdays and Sundays in July and August, 2007
TIME: 10:00am
PRICE: Free
Tour the Historic District, picnic on the Parade Grounds, walk the pormenade, and take in extraordinary views of the Statue of Liberty and NY Harbor.
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: Governors Island. Ferries leave from the Battery Maritime Building, 10 South Street, Slip 7
PHONE: 212-440-2202
website

The Dinner Party
Long-Term Installation, Brooklyn Museum
The Dinner Party, an important icon of 1970s feminist art and a milestone in twentieth-century art, is presented as the centerpiece around which the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art is organized. The Dinner Party comprises a massive ceremonial banquet, arranged on a triangular table with a total of thirty-nine place settings, each commemorating an important woman from history. The settings consist of embroidered runners, gold chalices and utensils, and china-painted porcelain plates with raised central motifs that are based on vulvar and butterfly forms and rendered in styles appropriate to the individual women being honored. The names of another 999 women are inscribed in gold on the white tile floor below the triangular table. This permanent installation is enhanced by rotating biographical gallery shows relating to the 1,038 women honored at the table. Pharaohs, Queens, and Goddesses is the first such exhibition.
website

StoryCorps
StoryCorps is a national project that encourages us to listen to each other by sharing the stories of our lives with the people we love. The heart of StoryCorps is the conversation between two people, but the experience continues whenever these stories are heard.
You can record your own interview. Trained facilitators will help you record your conversation and you will receive a CD copy of your session. With your permission, a second copy is archived at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress, so that future generations can someday hear your loved ones' voices and stories.
Date: Ongoing
Location: Grand Central Terminal
42nd Street, between Park and Lexington Avenues
The StoryBooth is located in the Biltmore Room next to tracks 41 and 42.
Time: Tuesdays: 1:30-7:30pm
Thursdays: 11:30am-5:30pm
Saturdays and Sundays: 9:30am-8:30pm
Mondays and Wednesdays: closed
Open on holidays for your convenience
Ticket price: Free. StoryCorps suggests a $10 donation for each hour-long session.
Ticket information: Reservations are required.
Reserve online or call 1-800-850-4406

Dancing on the Plaza
Every Thursday in August, 6:00 pm - 8:30 pm
The Charles A. Dana Discovery Center
Inside the Park at 110th Street between Fifth and Lenox Avenues
The Conservancy invites you to free summer dance parties in Central Park. Bring a friend, or find one here, for dance instruction followed by dancing to live music under the stars.
August 2: Swing Night with Sam Ulano's Swing 8
August 9: Merengue Night with Los Clarinetes Magicos
August 16: Salsa Night with Chino Nunez & Friends Orchestra, Salute to Hector Lavoe (presented in partnership with El Museo del Barrio)
August 23: R&B Night with Soul Express
August 30: Disco Night with DJ Bobby Morales
For more information, please call 212-860-1370.
website

Cross Park Promenade Tour
Meet inside the Park at Fifth Avenue and East 72nd Street in front of the statue of Samuel F. B. Morse. You'll be amazed at what you'll see.... a hidden bench that tells time, miniature boats powered by the wind, a magnificent sculpture celebrating fresh water, and a glorious drinking fountain for the city's equine population. These are just some of the the sites along the way on this east to west walk through the Park. Tour is approximately one hour long. Call 212-772-0210 for directions. (website)
Saturday, June 23, 12:00 pm
Wednesday, June 27, 6:00 pm
Saturday, June 30, 1:00 pm
Saturday, July 1, 1:00 pm
Saturday, July 14, 12:00 pm
Wednesday, July 18, 6:00 pm
Saturday, July 28, 9:30 am
Saturday, August 4, 12:00 pm
Saturday, August 11, 10:00 am
Wednesday, August 22, 11:00 am
Saturday, August 25, 10:00 am
Sunday, September 2, 1:00 pm
Saturday, September 8, 10:00 am
Sunday, September 16, 11:00 am
Saturday, September 22, 1:00 pm
Sunday, September 30, 1:00 pm

Moondance
JULY 15 GEORGE GEE AND THE JUMP, JIVE AND WAILERS - swing
JULY 22 NU GUAJIRO - salsa
JULY 29 ETERNAL TANGO - tango
AUG 5 LOS HERMANOS COLON - salsa
AUG 12 DAVID BERGER AND THE SULTANS OF SWING - swing
Hudson River Park's Pier 54
6:30pm
website


DATE SPECIFIC

The Richard Thompson Band / Ollabelle
Thursday, June 21, 7pm
The iconic British folk rocker RICHARD THOMPSON, here in a rare NYC appearance with his full band, delivers fearsome vocals and "guitar breaks so audacious it's like watching a highwire walker swinging in the wind but never falling off." (The Guardian UK) Drawing from a deep well of gospel, blues, bluegrass, and country influences, OLLABELLE creates a "rich, cross-referential take on American roots music." (Paste Magazine)
(website)

Drive in at the Rock - MO
Date: Thursday, June 21st
Time: 9:00pm (doors open 6:00pm)
Location: Rockefeller Center (30 Rockefeller Plaza, enter at 49th St)
Cost: Free
Drive in at the Rock is back with four straight nights of up and coming indie films in Rockefeller Center. This is one of my favorite film series of the summer because - rather then play classic films you could easily catch on DVD - some of the best in new and unreleased indie cinema is shown. "Immerse yourself in the nostalgia of the summer drive-in as special screenings return to midtown Manhattan for the fourth consecutive year [on a] massive 30' x 50' screen in front of 30 Rock.." Tonight's film is "MO," the story of a young boy coming to terms with "Marfan Syndrome."
(website)

BPC Parks' Swedish Midsummer Festival and Family Dance
DATE: Jun 22, 2007
TIME: 5:00pm
PRICE: Free
Celebrate the longest day of the year the traditional Swedish way -- picnicking, making floral headdresses, maypole procession, and dancing until dark to traditional fiddle music. Music: Paul Dahlin and fiddlers from Minneapolis' American Swedish Institute. Dancing: Barnklubben Elsa Rix and Swedish Folkdancers of NY. Co-sponsor: The Consulate General of Sweden, NY.
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: Wagner Park
PHONE: 212-267-9700
(website)

Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain Boys / James Reams & The Barnstormers
Friday, June 22, 7:30pm
Celebrate Brooklyn
When it comes to bluegrass, RALPH STANLEY has no peers. The living legend, "one of the most important country musicians in the world today," (T Bone Burnett) has kept the flame alive for a half century—with grassroots help from folks like JAMES REAMS, the granddaddy of the local bluegrass scene.

Coney Island Mermaid Parade and Ball
Date: Saturday, June 23rd
Time: 2:00pm
Location: Surf Avenue, Coney Island (D,F,N or Q to Stillwell Ave.)
Cost: Free
Do they make bodypaint with sunscreen? Is body glitter easy to get off with salt water? what is the boiling point of asphalt? These are just some of the questions that will be passing through your brain if you choose to partake in one of Brooklyn's newest old traditions, The Mermaid Parade and Ball at Coney Island. I've been to a lot of after parties, but never to the actual parade, but I know it's a blast for everyone. If you want to be a part of the magical procession, you must register yourself or your group. For more information on this rite of summer, click here.

FAMILY FAIR
DATE: Jun 23, 2007
TIME: 11:00am
PRICE: Free
Celebrate the NYPD at this multi-cultural street fair. Performances will include Emerald Society Pipes & Drums, Asian Jade's Dragon Dancers and more! Rides! Music! Fun!
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: 100 Old Slip
PHONE: 212-480-3100

The Thing- From Another World!
Date: Monday, June 25th
Time: Lawn opens at 5:00pm, movie at dusk
Place: Bryant Park (42nd St @6th ave)
Cost: Free
Grab a blanket, make a picnic and check this classic horror flick from 1951!
"A frozen alien is discovered at the North Pole, and trouble starts when it accidentally thaws out. A legendary monster movie based on a story by John Campbell, the "father" of modern science.
(website)

John Pizzarelli and Paula West
John Pizzarelli and Paula West
DATE: Jun 27, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
Pushing the boundaries of jazz music, soulful chanteuse Paula West warms the stage with her lusciously sophisticated vocals for the late-night balladeering, radio-hosting, jazz guitarist, John Pizzarelli.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Rockefeller Park
PHONE: 212-945-0505
(website)

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Date: Thursday, June 28th
Time: 7:00pm doors
Location: Hudson River Park Pier 54@ W. 14th
Cost: Free
"I know that every musician from the 80s seems to be having a reunion or something, and it is getting annoying. However, I caught Joan Jett last summer at a few Warped Tours (don't ask...), and seriously she is as good as ever. Despite that brief period when she tried to make a comeback with that horrid bleached Susan Powter haircut, her voice is strong, the Black Hearts are tight, and not to sound totally lame, but she rocks. Oh yea, and its free."
(website)

Central Astoria's Waterfront Concert-Independence Celebration
Friday, Jun 29, 2007
7:30 pm
Celebrating 25 years of Waterfront Concerts
Independence Celebration featuring an evening of Big Band with The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra followed by a spectacular Grucci fireworks display.
Location: Astoria Park Lawn - Shore Blvd. between Hell Gate Bridge and the Pool
(website)

10th Annual Liberty World Outrigger Competition
Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - All Day
Take front row seats in Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park or the Main Street section of Brooklyn Bridge Park for the 10th Annual Liberty World Challenge. Teams from across the globe will start from the East River and race a course on the New York Harbor.
(website)

Norah Jones
Friday, July 6
7:00am – 9:00am (NOTE: this is in the morning!!)
Upper Terrace
Come to the park to see your favorite artist, as well as say hello to GMA's Diane Sawyer, Robin Roberts, Chris Cuomo, and Sam Champion. If you want to get as close to the stage as possible, arrive at the park no later than 7:00 a.m.
For information about the series, go to abcnews.go.com/GMA.

Fan Yang, Bubble Artist
Saturday, July 7
12:00pm – 1:00pm
Bryant Park Reading Room
Join our soap bubble party as Fan Yang, star of the Gazillion Bubble Show, creates bubbles galore amidst a special story-time.
Favorite book characters and stories come alive, with author visits and special events geared for kids of all ages.
Rain Venue:
Barnes & Noble Booksellers
555 Fifth Avenue (at 46th Street)
212-697-3048
(website)

JellyNYC Presents the Boredoms
Saturday, Jul 7, 2007
3:00 PM
Celebrating their 20th anniversary, the legendary Japanese avant-garde rock band the Boredoms will debut 77 DRUM on 07/07/07 on the lawn of the Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park section of Brooklyn Bridge Park. The band will lead 77 drummers in a once-in-a-lifetime performance. Doors open at 3:00 p.m. Performance at 5:00. FREE! For further information about the event and JellyNYC, please visit www.jellynyc.com or email info@jellynyc.com
Location: Lawn, Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park section of Brooklyn Bridge Park

Brooklyn Museum's Target First Saturdays
At the Brooklyn Museum's Target First Saturdays, thousands of visitors enjoy free programs of art and entertainment each month from 5–11 p.m. All evening long, the Museum Café serves a wide selection of sandwiches, salads, and beverages, and a cash bar offers wine and beer. Parking is a flat rate of $4 starting at 5 p.m. All other Saturdays, the Museum closes at 6 p.m.
Please note that due to limited capacities, some Target First Saturday programs require tickets. Ticket lines often form 30 minutes before ticket distribution. Programs are subject to change.July 7, 2007

Schedule of FREE Programs
5:00 p.m.–7:00 p.m. Performance, Public Plaza, Outside Museum
Circus Amok delights with its unique brand of good old-fashioned circus fun.
6:00 p.m. Film, Iris and B. Gerald Cantor Auditorium, 3rd Floor
Watch Eddie Murphy in Coming to America (John Landis, 1988, 116 min., R), a classic comedy about an African prince who travels to New York to find his queen. Free tickets are available at the Visitor Center at 5 p.m.
6:30 p.m.–8:30 p.m. Performance, Steinberg Family Sculpture Garden, 1st Floor
Create a wood tile mosaic. Free timed tickets are available at the Visitor Center at 5:30 p.m.
7:00 p.m. Performance, Meet at the entrance to American Identities, 5th Floor
Brooklyn's Ferentz Lafargue reads from his new book Songs in the Key of My Life. Free tickets are available at the Visitor Center at 6 p.m.
7:00 p.m. Talk and Performance, Forum, 4th Floor
Hip hop ambassador Toni Blackman discusses and performs her work. Free tickets are available at the Visitor Center at 6 p.m.
8:00 p.m. Young Voices Gallery Talk, 5th Floor
Student guide Laura Su gives a tour on African American artists.
8:30 p.m. Film, Iris and B. Gerald Cantor Auditorium, 3rd Floor
See the award-winning film Walk the Line (James Mangold, 2005, 136 min., PG-13) about the life of American country legend Johnny Cash, starring Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix. Free tickets are available at the Visitor Center at 7:30 p.m.
9:00 p.m.–11:00 p.m. Dance Party, Museum Parking Lot, Behind Museum
Afro-Punk Festival with DJs CX Kidtronik and King Cole, and bands The Exit and the Dragons of Zynth.

Dance at the National Museum of the American Indian
DATE: Jul 10 & 11 & 12, 2007
TIME: 11:00am
PRICE: Free
Learn Indian social dances in this interactive program led by skilled Native American dancers. This program runs at 11am, 1 pm, and 3 pm.
TYPE: Dance
LOCATION: National Museum of the American Indian, One Bowling Green
PHONE: 212-514-3700
(website)

Spoon
DATE: Jul 11, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
On the heels of their sixth album release, one of the most acclaimed bands in indie music delivers a rocking concert including some of their latest material.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Rockefeller Park
PHONE: 212-945-0505
(website)

Strange Fruit
DATE: Jul 12, 2007
TIME: 11:00am
PRICE: Free
Making its New York City debut, this Melbourne-based company performs a remarkable style of work that incorporates dance, theater and circus, while perched atop 12-foot tall, flexible poles.
Performances at 12:00pm, 1:00pm & 2:00pm
Running time: 30 minutes.
TYPE: Theater
LOCATION: WFC Plaza
PHONE: 212-945-0505
(website)

Ron Sexsmith
DATE: Jul 12, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
Sexsmith's music offers hard-earned pieces of wisdom, all set to strong, yet gentle melodies and sung with emotional eloquence and genuine soul. These are his creative signatures, and they have earned the Toronto-based singer/songwriter immense respect from his peers, critics, and a devoted international audience.
Two free tickets per person will be distributed at the Castle on a first-come, first-served basis starting at 5:00pm on the day of the show.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Castle Clinton National Monument, Battery Park
PHONE: 212-835-2789
(website)

Noche Flamenca / Andrew J. Nemr & CPD Plus / Darrah Carr Dance
Thursday, July 12, 7:30pm
This internationally acclaimed Madrid troupe practices flamenco in its purest, most passionate incarnation. "Powerfully raw in its sensuality . . . spellbindingly visceral." (Dallas Morning News) The hot young hoofers of CPD PLUS and the modern influenced Irish step of DARRAH CARR make it a far ranging evening of percussive dance.
(website)

Strange Fruit Presents Swoon!
Saturday, Jul 14, 2007
FREE! PERFORMANCES AT 4:00pm, 6:00pm, and 8:00pm
Australia's Strange Fruit is a Melbourne-based open-air performing arts company that produces and performs a remarkable style of work that fuses theater, dance, and circus, using the unique elevated medium of sway poles. For their first U.S. tour, the Company will present Swoon! – a 20-minute performance where four daredevil Australians tell a spectacular story of love, loss, joy and freedom up on high. Performance will take place on the lawn of the Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park section of the Brooklyn Bridge Park.
Location: Lawn, Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park section of Brooklyn Bridge Park
(website)

BPC Parks' Family Square Dance
DATE: Jul 14, 2007
TIME: 6:30pm
PRICE: Free
Swing your partner to Western Caravan playing country, swing and honky-tonk standards. Don Coy calls the dances. All ages. No partners necessary.
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: Esplanade Plaza at Liberty Street, Battery Park City
PHONE: 212-267-9700
(website)

Explore the Port of New York aboard 1885 Schooner Pioneer
DATE: Jul 14, 2007
TIME: 1:00pm
PRICE: Call for details.
Sail New York harbor aboard our historic vessel and learn about the history of this great world port. Call for reservations.
TYPE: Nature
LOCATION: South Street Seaport Museum, 12 Fulton Street
PHONE: 212-748-8757
(website)

Summer Stars --Makoto Nakura, Marimba
(yee-haw! Marimba! Come on, we have to go to this one!)
DATE: Jul 16, 2007
TIME: 7:30pm
PRICE: Free
"A dynamo of energy and virtuosity," this exciting marimbist has toured extensively throughout the USA and Japan. This concert will feature the New York premiere of "The Story of Aoyagi," written specifically for Mr. Nakura. Tickets required: available after 4:00PM day of show.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts at Pace University, Spruce Street entrance
(website)

Avenue Q The Drowsy Chaperone The Phantom of the Opera Tarzan Rent
Thursday, July 19
12:30pm – 1:30pm
The Lawn at Bryant Park<>
The most popular musicals on and off Broadway perform their biggest hits.
(website)

Drive-By Truckers
DATE: Jul 19, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
Equal parts back-porch historians and poets of living the hard life, the Truckers deliver an ironic and gutsy sound that has set the bar higher for southern rock. Their three front men/guitarists/songwriters: Patterson Hood, Mike Cooley and Jason Isbell, make for a triumvirate that would crumble a lesser band. Two free tickets per person will be distributed at the Castle on a first-come, first-served basis starting at 5:00pm on the day of the show.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Castle Clinton National Monument, Battery Park
PHONE: 212-835-2789
(website)

John Mayer & Special Guest
Friday, July 20
7:00am – 9:00am (yeah, it's in the morning again)
Upper Terrace
Come to the park to see your favorite artist, as well as say hello to GMA's Diane Sawyer, Robin Roberts, Chris Cuomo, and Sam Champion. If you want to get as close to the stage as possible, arrive at the park no later than 7:00 a.m.
(website)

Free Friday at South Street Seaport Museum
DATE: Jul 20, August 17, 2007
TIME: 5:00pm
PRICE: Free
Free admission to our museum, with special cultural programming for adults and kids.
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: South Street Seaport Museum, 12 Fulton Street
PHONE: 212-748-8568
(website)

Riders in the Sky with The Carolina Chocolate Drops
DATE: Jul 25, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
The Chocolate Drops, an African-American fiddle and banjo band playing in the Carolinas' piedmont tradition, open for the legendary Riders, the multi-Grammy®-winning troubadour band of Western cowboy music.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: Rockefeller Park
PHONE: 212-945-0505
(website)

Xanadu Monty Python's Spamalot The Lion King Curtains Stomp
Thursday, July 26
12:30pm – 1:30pm
The Lawn
The most popular musicals on and off Broadway perform their biggest hits.
(website)

The Urban Backyard Vintner
Wine Making in Brooklyn
(I REALLY want to do this one, and if you want to, too, let me know! Please!)
You don't have to live in the Mediterranean to make good wine! This course will introduce you to the art of wine making, using grapes easily procured or grown locally, and also provide a brief overview of wine culture in human history. We'll end with a tasting of homemade wine to complement what we've learned. Specific topics include pertinent definitions and concepts for the budding oeneophile, and varietal characteristics of popular wines. Wines from both the classic wine grape, Vitis vinifera, and hybrid grape species will be reviewed. Then delve into the process of both white and red wine production as we discuss equipment requirements, sugar and acidity (including pH of the must), yeast selection, fermentation methods, clarifying processes, storage/aging, and bottling the wine. We'll point out expected challenges and common wine faults so that you can produce a vintage worthy of a connoisseur. Students must be at least 21 years of age to participate in the wine tasting. Materials fee covers all handouts and wine samples.
Section A: Saturday, July 28 10 a.m.–1 p.m.
Section B: Saturday, July 28 2–5 p.m.
$39 member, $44 nonmember (Fee includes $10 materials charge.)
Registration Information

Seaport Music -- A Night of Billie Holiday Remixed and Reimagined
DATE: Aug 03, 2007
TIME: 7:00pm
PRICE: Free
Presented by Turntables on the Hudson, this amazing night will feature DJs Nickodemus, Jazzy Nice, + Nappy G on percussion & Jay Rodriguez of Groove Collective on the saxophone. Come experience a legend as you've never heard her before.
TYPE: Music
LOCATION: South Street Seaport, Pier 17
PHONE: 212-SEAPORT
(website)

Chew on This!
DATE: Aug 25, 2007
TIME: 1:00pm
PRICE: Free with South Street Seaport Museum Admission
Learn about the history of chewing gum, Adams NY Gum #1 and make a pack of chewing gum from scratch.
TYPE: Family
LOCATION: 12 Fulton Street
PHONE: 212-748-8753
(website)


Additionally -- if you want to do any kind of outdoor big band dancing and don't have a partner, call me! I love that kind of stuff!

Also, if you want to catch Shakespeare in the Park, I'd love to try to swing that, too!

CRAP! THINGS I FORGOT:

Make Music NY
On Thursday, June 21, New York joins 340 other cities around the world to host a day of free, outdoor music-making. From Metropolitan Opera singers to high school rock bands, church choirs to underground MCs, Tuvan throat singers to Salsa bands, punk rockers to string quartets, there's something for everyone.
(website)

The ARChive of Contemporary Music's Summer Record & CD sale. WHY: To raise money to help fund the ARChive : a not-for-profit music library with over 2 million sound recordings - America's largest and BEST popular music collection. WHERE: At our ground floor office: 54 White St. 3 short blocks south of Canal, between Broadway & Church in Tribeca Take the 1 train to Franklin, or any train to Canal. WHEN: Saturday, JUNE 23 – Sunday, JULY 1 Everyday 11 am. to 6 pm
(website)

"Metrodress"
Details: Russian journalist Nina Vishneva was inspired by the 2005 MTA transit strike to fashion frocks made of NYC MetroCards. Her handiwork is displayed at Citigroup Center as part of the ongoing Russian Heritage Festival.
Venue: Atrium at Citigroup Center
Travel: E, V to Lexington Ave–53rd St; N, R, W to Lexington Ave–59th St; 6 to 51st St.
Address: 153 E 53rd St
Phone: 212-687-6118
This week's schedule: June 21 7am-9pm, June 22 7am-9pm, June 25 7am-9pm, June 26 7am-9pm, June 27 7am-9pm, June 28 7am-9pm, June 29 7am-9pm
Prices: Free
(website)

New York Book Festival
The 2007 New York Book Festival will take place on Sat. June 23 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. near the Naumburg Bandshell in Central Park. The event is free and open to the public and includes author readings, live music, children's storytelling, clowns performing children's face-painting and twisting balloon animals, book signings, vendor demonstrations and food, all in the graceful confines of the world's greatest park!
Directions to the Naumburg Bandshell in Central Park:
1) Enter park at 72nd Street and 5th Avenue
2) Follow path into park and through traffic light, bearing left
3) Walk straight and you'll see Bethesda Fountain on your right and the Naumburg Bandshell on your left.
(see website for schedule and authors)

Smith Street Fun Day
Smith St between Bergen and Carroll Sts, Brooklyn (718-852-0328). Subway: F, G to Bergen St, Carroll St. 11am–6pm.
Sunday June 24
(website)

Cheese Eating Contest of 2007!!!
On Sunday June 24th at 2pm as part of the Smith St. fair, we will host our 1st annual cheese eating contest outside of Smith & Vine (268 Smith Street between Sackett St. & Degraw St.) at 2pm sharp. Contestants will have to show up by 1:45 and no later! There are only 20 spaces available and registration is a first come first serve basis. The Grand Prize is the "Big Cheese Title Belt", which will be displayed at Stinky Bklyn with your name for a full year. You must be 18 to enter, everyone gets a Stinky T-Shirt and Registration is FREE! Come compete for glory! Come challenge the true warriors of cheese! Come find out how much Cantal you can cram down in 1 minute!
To register, please call 718.522.7425
(website)

very important news

Everything you are about to read here is both true and very important.*

1. The Vatican has issued the Ten Commandments for drivers. "Asked at a news conference when a car became an occasion of sin, Cardinal Renato Martino said 'when a car is used as a place for sin.'" Deep.

2. The Japan Cherry Boys (an association of Japanese male virgins) worry about the fate of Japan, where one in four men aged 30-34 is still a virgin."'Most human worries stem from sex, right? Guys chat up women because they want to satisfy their sexual desire, which also motivates them to get a good job. You want to get along well with a woman, but you're filled with lust and thinking so much about sex it makes it hard to get along well with the woman anyhow,' says a 30-year-old member who bought female hormones online to stifle his sexual urges. 'Without lust, I'm doing much better with work and with women than I ever have.'"

3. Hey, where'd that speedbump come from?Kentucky father drives over his sunbathing daugther in the driveway.

4. Sausage Fest! 107 pound woman eats 26 hot dogs in 12 minutes to qualify for the July 4th Nathan's competition."Lee said she grew up in China without much food and often was hungry. Since then, she's always been able to eat a lot when the food is there."

5. Who dropped the poo? "Museum's broken treasure not just any old shit." That's the headline for the piece about the "Lloyds Bank Turd," a Viking poo that was recently damaged and is now being reconstructed. Even better, as they were examining the artifact, they discovered a bunch of ancient parasite eggs in it. Says one museum expert: "'This guy had very itchy bowels'"

6. And this isn't news at all. But I found it while I was searching for other, important news.

* ok, there's one lie on the page, and that's the one claiming that any of this is even remotely important.

automatic nonsense

Remember when I was at the Fearlessness workshop? Well, one of the things we had to do was ten minutes of automatic writing. We were given a topic, and then just wrote and wrote until our fingers fell off and we died.* The first topic was "regret" and I ended up writing some serious nonsense about "regret, egret, she-gret, Gretta Garbo, Gretta Garbage." (yeah, it wasn't so great.) The second topic, though, was success, couched in a poem about Icarus, and so the topic was actually "flying." What I wrote, while not genius, was kind of cool, and I was re-reading it the other day, and thought I'd post it here, in all its unedited glory. Make of it what you will.


* we didn't actually die. (duh)


When did I fly? Oh, I flew so much I was practically a stewardess. Every time I ended something, I started something new. On to the next and the next. And then, one day, I ran out of nexts.


"Stand still. Stand here by yourself."


"No." I said. "No, thank you."


"But until you do," I heard, "you'll never really fly. You'll look really good trying, but you have no idea how to really fly."


Shit.


You're right.


I haven't the slightest clue how to really fly.


So I took off the wings, hid in my closet and cried. For about six months.


Really though, I'm ready to fly now. To love, to share myself with you. I'm here to be a part of something. Not to play at it like a child with his jacks. Not to lie about it or make claims. I'm here to do it.


But now I have no idea how.


"Don't worry," the voice returns. "You'll find a way. I'll see to it."


"Um, thanks. Can I get a timeline?"


"Dream on, Surgeon."


Silence.


"Is that my timeline?"


A snicker. Like the god who accidentally struck down the nun in the swearing priest golfing joke.


So, really, now I'm waiting. I'm a blank page, ready for the next adventure.


Here comes one.


Oh, wait, no. No, thanks.


But wait, I'm a stewardess. My standards are different now that I've lost my little clip on wings. (Would you like a blanket? Chicken or fish?)


I'm ready for my next adventure.


Oh, here he comes.


"Hey."


"Hey."


"What's your name?"


"Uh, Fate. But I have to go. I'm expecting someone."


"Me?"


"No, your sister, I think."


My sister? She's already got her adventure. Where's mine? Where's my due? I'm owed here, Mr. Fate, and I was told you'd be delivering. Or did you just stick one of those notices on my door that will force me to go to Canarsie to pick up my destiny?


Fate walks away. I'm left with a sticky feeling on my fingers, a broken pair of pilot's wings and a blanket with what looks like a barf stain on it.


Isn't this supposed to be about my fliying? And yet, here I've stuck myself in a bar with God and Mr. Fate and not a drink in my hand. This seems like an unpropitious opening.


Let's start again.


I'm a stewardess. I'm an actress. I'm so fucking creative I'm goddamn Icarus. But Icarus also flew, and I can too.


I'd like to give the world a set of wings. And a coke. And furnish it with love.


My most recent flight? Just last night, when I told her I was afraid. Afraid I'd lose her, my girl, my love, my mirror. When I told her how I really felt, I tasted my own salt tears, and there she stayed. Never leaving me.


Then I really fucking soared.
----------------------------------

(I never said it was going to make sense.)

a frank letter

As you know, to me, all guys I date are Frank. Except this one. He was German, so he's Franz.
A little backstory: Franz and I met, and had a couple of dates -- on which he was so over-the-top about declaring his relationship intentions for me that I was actually kind of overwhelmed, and saw him as Instant Boyfriend (just add water). However, after a couple of weeks, I got kind of used to the idea of him being really into me, and then... he up and disappeared.

He claimed to not know how to date, and so I acted as his "dating tutor," telling him things I liked, and simple things like, if you had a great time with a woman, it's not a bad idea to follow up with her.. by phone or email or skywriter. Stuff like that. One of the things I taught him was that I view dating as a four step process (which may sound a lot like a certain self-help book, which, if you know it, let's just keep that between us, shall we?): first you have attraction, then uncertainty, then exclusivity, then intimacy. Now, I'm not going to profess having stuck to this theory throughout the history of dating. Just the opposite: I've only begun to use it. And I find that it works.

ANYWAY... he wanted none of that, wanted Relationship Now (Woman!), claimed to be swamped at work, blah blah blah, next thing I know, I'm all hyped up about possibly having something with him, and he's nowhere to be found.

No big deal, really, except that I think it's fairly reprehensible to lead a girl on like that and drop her cold. So I drafted this letter to him, and really want to send it, but can't decide what the repercussions of it would be. I think it's stuff he should know, but I don't know if I want to waste my energy sending it to him and dealing with whatever that dredges up.

At the moment, I offer it to you. Do with it what you will.

Dear Franz–

As your dating tutor, I am saddened by how little my services helped you. As is my policy, I have refunded your deposit and will remove you from the Kate the Great Date mailing list. (I kid, of course.)

However, I have a few things that I strongly encourage you to think about (and by "strongly encourage" I mean, "if you want to get involved with a loving, sane woman, you must consider these things, for without them, no loving, sane woman will have you"). I offer these to you freely, with no strings or expectations attached.

First, I know you consider yourself a good communicator. And, person to person, you are good at speaking your thoughts, and communicating your immediate intentions fairly clearly. But I don't think you think about the long term impact of your words, and how they affect other people (like me).

For example, when you came on as strong as you did with me, saying things like "I am really interested in having a relationship with you" and "I am really looking forward to waiting to sleep with you," you built up my expectations -- which would have been fine, if you hadn't changed your mind about me two weeks later. (I am not angry with you for changing your mind – that is what the uncertainty phase of dating is for – I am angry that you led me on as much as you did and then changed your mind.) At the time, you probably really thought you wanted to pursue something with me, and so in the moment it was "honest," but this is precisely why dating (i.e. starting things out slowly and building to something more connected, more passionate, more intimate over time) works. Because by agreeing to participate in this "dishonest" social activity (which essentially boils down to agreeing to artificially (or, in many cases, truthfully) keep yourself from immediately expressing some of your romantic thoughts (or future plans for the relationship), and waiting until you are less uncertain about the other person) by the time you express your thoughts, you will really mean them. Anything else is simply leading a girl on.

And leading a girl on, if in fact you reserve the right to change your mind (as we all do at the beginning of a potential relationship), even if you feel it's honest in the moment, just isn't fair. Because no communication involves just you. I took in what you said, and based solely on what you told me – which is all I knew about you -- I developed my own expectations about you in return. Are those expectations my fault? Absolutely. Would I have developed them if you had not led me on? Not a chance.

Short moral: watch what you say. Or rather, watch the timing of what you say.

Secondly, along the lines of communication, I think things between us were good enough that, having decided not to pursue me any more, you owed me the courtesy of telling me so. Just walking away and not saying anything is beneath you, and goes against whatever policy of honesty and communication you claim to have. Don't worry, I got the hint. But in the future, do yourself (and the women you date) a favor and end something cleanly. It benefits everyone.

Thirdly, you talked about how vulnerability is a good thing. And I agree, on principle, that being open and emotionally available to someone you're interested in having a relationship with is a good thing. But it takes time. Because trust me, if I had known that you would disappear after two dates, I would never have opened up to you nearly as much as I did. You didn't deserve what I gave you – especially since you didn't respect me enough to tell me you were not interested (or available, or sorted out enough, or whatever the reason is you changed your mind).

Look, Franz, I think you were right in not continuing to pursue me. We are fundamentally and philosophically not a good match. But in the future, please realize that relationships don't take place in a vacuum. You're not in them alone, and you have a responsibility to avoid hurting the women you meet, to whatever extent possible. (Simply as human beings, this is a good policy.) And I know that you believe people cannot hurt you without your permission, but a great percentage of the rest of us don't operate under that philosophy. We are vulnerable. We are sensitive. We are open-hearted and caring people, who have been hurt by others and continue to be affected by those around us. You owe it to yourself to develop an understanding of this.

I'm telling you all of this for a variety of reasons – mostly because I think you are a smart, attractive guy with a lot to offer, who is never going to land an emotionally mature woman with the approach you're using, and also because you seem to think that your approach to relationships is morally superior to dating, and, simply put, it's not. Had you just dated me (and not pushed so hard for a relationship right off the bat), you would not have let me down or hurt me as much, and in turn, I would not have been so angry with you.

Please just bear that in mind as you go forward.

Best of luck,
Kate

adventures in the financial district!

That's right, kids, Adventures Season is in full swing!

(Our fearless duo's last adventure (in March) can be rediscovered here.)

Last night, the Adventure Team (or the A-Team, for those of you who feel that what we are doing is making the world safe for dating) (which it's not, by the way) was blessed by a special guest appearance from a woman we are hoping will want to permanently join the A-Team (making us more like Charlie's Angels than Mr. T).

In honor of Flag Day, Keri stepped up last night and accompanied Thea and me all the way downtown, "to meet guys in suits." That was the mission. Well, that, and to adequately celebrate Flag Day. When we first started making plans, I asked Keri if she was going to be draped in her flag for the occasion. She said, no, "I was planning on wearing my flag bikini...my rebel flag bikini. I know you're jealous." I told her just how jealous I was, and she came up with an alternative:

"Why don't you wear red, I will wear blue and Thea can dress in white stars? I think that will really draw the men to us like bees to honey. Nothing says "I am hot and available...and appreciate obscure holidays such as Flag Day" like dressing up in Red, White and Blue."

I knew then that she would make the adventure even better.

And as a bonus, according to something Thea read about how dating is like bird-breeding, three or four women (a "flock") are much more approachable than two solos ("lovebirds") or a group of five or more (a "gaggle"). [Ok, I made some of those labels up. Let's pretend that none of the A-Team ever reads anything about dating, ok? I think that would be better for all involved.]

Anyway... the three of us trekked downtown to the entirely pedestrian cobblestone alley near the Goldman Sachs building (at 85 Broad Street). (It has a name, but I can't remember it.) We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, and were prepared for anything. Except maybe for what we got.

Now, ok, when your objective is to meet guys in suits, and you go downtown, you've already met your goal just by getting off the subway at Wall Street. So maybe we should have been a little more specific in our objective, saying instead that we wanted to meet non-judgmental, non-skanky, non-sleezy guys in suits who are actually going to give us the time of day without our having to fling ourselves onto them like bugs into a spiderweb. That might have produced better results.

In the past year of adventures, though, I've learned a lot about expectations and "results." You'll remember how Thea and I had gone out repeatedly with the express purpose of meeting guys, and then feeling like we weren't cute enough or trendy enough or [insert your own insecurity here] enough to get the attention of the guys around us. So this time, I went in with a completely different tactic: I was just going to enjoy two of my friends getting to know each other. I was going to stay in the moment and not wander off in my imagination about what the cute guy in the purple shirt halfway across the room would make me for breakfast on our honeymoon in Antigua. And most of all, I was just going to have fun with these two outrageous women.

And you know what? It totally worked. I had an EXCELLENT time, despite the fact that all the guys there sucked. It's sad but true. We were drowning in a sea of six-guys-to-every-gal, most of whom were my type (i.e., suity) and NOT ONE struck me as attractive. It was kind of creepy. But it didn't matter. I had my girls. I was laughing my ass off about how Keri was voted "best hair" in junior high and Thea was voted "most optimistic." (I think I was voted "smartest but loneliest"... sigh.) Truly, I didn't even notice the guys around us -- except for Tighty McShirttington, who had clearly put on some weight since he bought that outfit in college... last year, and Nosey McIpod, who wanted to know what song I was playing for the girls that was making them give me looks of delight mixed with sheer confusion. (It was Space Taxi. Follow the link and you'll probably make the same face.)

And the guys didn't suck for not talking to us. They sucked because (and again, I didn't really pick up on this as much as Thea and Keri did) they were undressing us in their heads before smiling. They were less interested in meeting people and more interested in parading around like peacocks. They were just kind of gross. And one guy (truly the suckiest) actually BENT OVER so he could check out Thea's ass. Then he said to her, in a heretofore irresistible Australian accent (which he may have ruined last night for the entire country going forward) "You've really worn out those jeans" (or something equally appalling), to which Coolheaded Thea responded, "That is a completely inappropriate thing to say to me!" (Lucky for me, it happened to Thea, because, knowing my great skill at speaking when upset, I probably would have just shouted back "I'm not married!")

After a couple of drinks (and far too many naked-in-their-heads encounters), we had had enough, and went to get some food. But instead of subjecting ourselves to further Wall Street Bleck, we went back to the East Village and ate Thai food and told each other stories. Excellent stories.

And I fell a little bit deeper in love with life.

I really didn't want the night to end, so when I got home, I fell asleep in my clothes, just as a tribute. Of course it was intentional. Why would you even ask that?

happy flag day!

Having just done about ten minutes of research, I now know way too much about Flag Day. For your edification and general knowledge, I'll share some of it with you. Feel free to let your eyes glaze over the boring stuff. (Yeah, I know, see you next post)

Points of interest:

1. The Great Flag Day Difference of Opinion
There is some difference of opinion as to who really started flag day. Most sources cite BJ Cigrand ("yes, hi, I'm BJ." "Oh, nice to meet you, I'm MILF."), a schoolteacher from Wisconsin as the guy who started the idea of celebrating the "Flag Birthday" in 1885.

Other folks think that William T. Kerr from Collier Township, PA was the guy responsible, since he started the American Flag Day Association of Western PA in 1888. ("Welcome to the first AFDAWPa meeting!" "Thanks, but where is everybody?" "Oh, we're both here now.")
Then there are some folks in Kansas who wrote a book saying that George Morris of Hartford, CT had everybody in Hartford worshipping the flag in 1861.

Care to read more? (Didn't think so) Go here.

2. Thanks, Mr. President!
It took two presidents (and one Congress, in 1777) to get us flag day -- the first was Woodrow Wilson in 1916, who proclamated that flag day should be observed, and the second was Harry Truman who, in 1949, signed an Act of Congress making June 14th National Flag Day. (I like to wonder what other really important stuff wasn't being signed because they were so busy making a goofy federal non-holiday official.)

3. Move to Pennsylvania!
Flag Day is a legal holiday there. 'Nuff said.

4. Flag Etiquette
Apparently, "there is a right way and a wrong way to display the flag." Among the rules: "Never let your flag touch the ground, never...period." and "Fold your flag when storing. Don't just stuff it in a drawer or box." (I like to apply those rules to clean laundry as well.)

5. Flag Symbolism
According to the wikipedia, "...a book about the flag published by the Congress in 1977 states: 'The star is a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial; the stripe is symbolic of the rays of light emanating from the sun.' George Washington is credited for saying: 'We take the stars from Heaven, the red from our mother country, separating it by white stripes, thus showing that we have separated from her, and the white stripes shall go down to posterity representing Liberty.'" (Ok, how many of you actually read this?)

I found this one a little dramatic, and harder to swallow, but that's what you get when you do research online: "Many people also take the red and white to stand for the blood of those who gave their lives for freedom, and the presumed purity of the freedom ideal, respectively." (more here)

Other Random Flaggy Things:

1. In 1814, Francis Scott Key wrote a poem, "Defense of Fort McHenry," when he saw the flag still flying the morning after an attack by the British. Today, that poem is known by another name: "The Star-Spangled Banner."

2. The Flag Act of 1818 states that a star be added for any new state on the Fourth of July following that state's admission. (I'd like to see, I don't know, Rhode Island split into two states and then see how flagmakers the world over would make 51 stars look good.)

3. Students first said the Pledge of Allegiance in 1892, the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus's arrival in the Americas. (And by "Americas" we don't actually mean the United States.)

4. In 1983, the world's largest flag was displayed in Washington, D.C. The flag, which measured 411 feet by 210 feet, weighed 7 tons! Each star measured 13 feet across! (#1-4 c/o this site... with my comments, of course)

5. The coolest big-ass flag was knit (knitted?) by an artist named Dave Cole, using two John Deere Machines holding two 20 foot needles. It's pretty awesome, actually. (I've seen a video)

6. Is the American flag still on the moon? NASA thinks so. (Although it probably got knocked over when the Apollo 11 took off.)

7. Flag Day Poetry.

8. How many flag references are there in the Bible? (yes, I was wondering, too). One, apparently. And it refers to a plant.

Feeling edified, smartypants? Take this Flag Day Quiz. (I got only 6 right on the first try, and I had to guess... apparently there's more info on flag day than I had thought. However, if you don't get the Betsy Ross question right, you will be forced to move to Pennsylvania and still have to work on Flag Day.)

stuck on you

By way of introduction, I should say that every time I see, hear or say the words "stuck on you" I think of how my sister and I used to beg our dad for the keys and run out of church every Sunday to sit in the car and listen to the number one song on Casey Kasem's Top Forty Countdown -- which, for an absurdly long time, was Lionel Richie's Stuck on You. We'd sit there, wagering on what it would be this week, tense in the unbearable anticipation and when Casey finally revealed it as number one, AGAIN, Polly and I would groan, roll our eyes, and sing along in the graveliest, lowest, goopiest voices we could muster at ages 8 and 10. There's absolutely no way to convey this in print, but the odds are pretty good we looked like this (only fifteen years younger) while we sang it:

But I've digressed, before even starting.

I got an email today from a friend that had photos of this amazing artwork in it, all of which was apparently made from scotch tape. I thought it was kind of unfair that this artwork was being circulated without even the name of the artist, so I did a little research. Turns out, it is all the brainchild of Mark Jenkins.

His stuff is AWESOME! I haven't been this excited about artwork in a while -- and I'm just seeing photos! So I'm posting some of them for you here, but I recommend checking out his site (http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com/) and browsing through it yourself. I guarantee you'll smile. (If you don't, I'll give you a free subscription to this blog!)

and my absolute favorite:

usually i can't stand will ferrell...

So, according to Noah, everyone's already seen this. Except that, before reading his blog, I hadn't, so I thought I would share this with the rest of everyone who hasn't seen it yet.
(do we think the embedding is going to work? who knows. If not, go here)

p.s. I asked for a new job at the same firm today. They said they have to think about whether or not they can train me in time. We'll see. What's nice about it, though, is that the stress of worrying about it woke me up at 5:30 this morning and let me finish watching Little Children, which I started last night and which, if you haven't seen it yet, you really should see! Naked Kate Winslet! (and an excellent storyline and aesthetic)

my shuffle off to buffalo

What an AWESOME weekend I had! And in Buffalo, to boot!

I flew in on Thursday night, and I knew it was going to be a good weekend because they gave me these cookies on the plane (chocobilly's chocolate chip cookies) that were so good I had to marry them. (You can call me "Mrs. Chocobilly" if you want to.) Alex picked me up at the airport and promptly plied with me a martini. Excellent!

Friday morning, we got up and went straight to Niagara Falls (which look like this): And they look like this when you're standing in front of them (and you're me):We went on the Maid of the Mist (the boat that takes you out into the falls, essentially) and we got super misty (a.k.a. soggy and bedraggled), despite wearing our attractive blue garbage bags:

After several hours at the falls, we made a beeline for the border, as I had never been to Canada before.

"Toronto or bust!" I shouted... in my head.

"Hey Alex, can we bring back prescription drugs from Canada?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"No."

"You take all the fun out of international travel."

"Ok."

However, in Toronto, we did engage in some illegal food eating! Ok, so mangosteens are not illegal in Canada (where we ate them), and unpasteurized cheese isn't illegal there either (but boy howdy is it TASTY), but I felt like a renegade fugitive... in a white Volvo and Batman t-shirt. I managed to add three stains to my skirt before we headed off to the Distillery district... where it started to look like maybe the nice weather wouldn't hold.

(insert ominous music here)

Sure enough, we got hit with some rain (just when we had parked about fifteen blocks away), so we had to sit and have a drink. Poor us.
The Distillery district was a lot like the South Street Seaport... except without a waterfront exposure. Apparently it had been this enormous distillery back in the day, and now it houses a bunch of art galleries, high end chocolate shops (yum!) and some fancy-schmancy restaurants.

I can offer you no photographic proof of my being in Toronto because both of the pictures Alex took of me are bad. But I was totally there!

We crossed the border again and, according to Alex, got the third degree from the border guard.

"Now, you're from Brooklyn and you're from Buffalo. How do you know each other?"

"Well, we went to high school together."

"In Buffalo?"

"No, in Connecticut."

Then the guard's head exploded, so we drove through unimpeded.

I wondered (silently) if I had to declare the mangosteen rind stuck under my fingernails. I also wondered if I had brought back prescription drugs if we wouldn't have been strip searched, since I'm such a bad liar. Luckily, it was a non-issue.

Saturday, we toured Buffalo. Now, of course Buffalo, in all its wisdom, didn't bother to tell us that a) there would be a street fair closing off traffic in one direction, b) there would be a Susan G. Komen race for the cure closing off traffic in another direction and c) there would be construction on a main roundabout, forcing us to go back in the direction from which we came. Needless to say, after all this hullabaloo, we had to go to the waterfront just to calm down.

This is not a great picture (it's better than the one in which I look like a gym teacher), but it's the first picutre we managed to get in together. And the reason we're in gym clothes (no, I don't usually wear spandex out on the town) is that we had gone running that morning in Delaware Park. (How awesome is my visor, by the way??)

After a good morning's run, a trip to the candy store is always in order. Especially when it's as cool as this one is:

(yeah, we both look a little, um, "special," but how cool is this ye-olde-timey soda shoppe?)

After an awesome dinner of grilled fish and vegetables, we capped the day off with a trip to my very first drive-in movie! (We saw Knocked Up, which was enjoyable, especially since Katherine Heigl was a few years behind both of us at Snootytown High School. Luckily we were in our own car when Alex started chanting "SNOOTYTOWN, REPRESENT!!" Oy.) This is kind of what it looked like. Kind of. (the black thing in the way is the windshield wiper)
Sunday was a laze-around kind of day (we had already pretty much seen all the sights Buffalo had to offer) so we looked at Alex's roses (repeatedly) and went to Lowe's to get him some under-the-counter lighting. Yeah, we're dorks.

I flew out Sunday afternoon, got some more AWESOME cookies, and got home a full hour before I thought I would. Can't complain about that!

All in all, an excellent weekend, with an excellent friend, excellent weather and excellent excellency!

This is one of my favorite pictures from the weekend -- it's Alex reading to one of the poles that keeps people from driving up onto the curb. They're good friends now.

so hawt!

There's nothing like a date-gone-well to make you feel fairly excellent.

Well, ok, there is the occasional good trash fire seen from your living room window at 1:30 on a Wednesday morning. And the sweet, sweet smell of burning garbage. (And then the lingery, nasty funk of singed, wet garbage.)

But I'd argue that the trash, while it did bring lots of firefighters with big hoses right to your doorstep, isn't what settled that subtle sparkle in your eyes this morning...

-----------------------------------------------
And for those of you keeping track (i.e., me... and maybe Aaron) I am now 19.3 miles on my way to LA (be that Louisiana or Los Angeles). And yes, I'm hypothetically walking on highways.

a smattering of more entertainments

In honor of my much better mood today, I offer you some treats to make your own day better. (Please note, these will not cure any ankle bites received by walking past me muttering under my desk yesterday. I offer you my sincere apology, though, and can reassure you that, yes, you taste like chicken.)

1. "BERLIN: A nine-year-old German girl was so upset about having to tidy her room she put up a sign in her window urging passers-by to call police for help." If only it worked.

2. I commute to work on the M train, a considerably undervalued train in the transit system. As such, I love and value it greatly. And apparently, there are a few others who feel the same way -- most notably, a woman I commute with almost every morning. I call her Banana Clip (in my head). Because, twenty years after they have gone out of style, she wears a banana clip in her hair every day. If I don't see her at Brooklyn Bridge, I get a little depressed. I love Banana Clip.

• Sidebar: in looking for an adequate pictorial representation of a banana clip, I came across a number of them that have fake hair attached. My Banana Clip uses only real hair. And uses the hardcore, 80s style banana clip, not one of these new-fangled, new-millennium style products.
  

• Sidebar Part Deux: Does this picture scare anyone else?

3. Speaking of scary, have you seen this? Yikes!

4. Speaking of beautiful (oh, were we, Kate? I didn't realize.) I woke myself up from a dream the other night by talking. I was dreaming that I was in a bar (which I had been for several hours before going to bed) and that someone was telling me how beautiful I was. And apparently, I sat straight up in bed (because I woke up that way) and said, "No, no, go ahead, tell me how beautiful I am. Nobody says that to me enough."

Then I cracked up and fell back to my pillow.

5. Remember when I claimed to be famous... again? Well, I finally got a copy of the article my friend had written for backstage and found that I had been amply quoted in it. Which was excellent because, for the most part, I didn't sound like a total moron... except for the part where I said I wanted my "special parts" in my headshot. Awesome.

mood enhancement... I hope.

I am in a shitbag mood today, due in part to the fact that my feet are SOAKING WET and in part to the fact that the last 18 hours have gone in no way as I had hoped. (Many thanks to those of you who talked me off the ledge, though. You rock!)

So while I sit under my desk, brooding, wringing out my socks and biting people in the ankles, I offer you these treats that I've collected over the last week or so.

1. I saw a sign for the Watch Outlet the other day and it struck me as a very alarmist place to shop.

2. Nobody told me that the movie Sybil (which I watched instead of doing psychology homework) was three hours long. I didn't like her. I really really didn't like her.

3. If you wear drawstring pants, let me offer you a quick bit of advice: don't postpone peeing until the very last moment. It might have disasterous results.

4. Finally, a candidate I can really get behind!

5. I saw a show on Friday night and at one point one of the characters mentioned something about not wanting to contribute to the "mass lobotomy." That (among a slew of other things in that show) really hit me.

6. I'm keeping track of how far I've traveled by foot (either running or walking) for the month of June. I think it would be funny to get to Louisiana or something. So far I've gone 13 miles. It's not Louisiana, but it is New Jersey.

7. Walking home from the grocery store yesterday, I was pushing my granny cart, and this older guy shouts out to me, "Now that's what I call a good housewife!" I was so appalled, and really wanted to teach this guy a thing or two about modern life, but all I managed to squawk out was, "I'M NOT MARRIED!" Sure showed him.

8. And last, but not least, care of Christina: a work-related treat.

what the chopsticks?!?

(why am I the only one who can't post youtube videos? I am so sad. Until I follow the links and laugh my fanny off...)

This has no right to be as funny as it is.

And neither does its follow-up (although this one gets a little lispy and loses some of my affection).