back on the dating horse again

I've tried just about every online dating option out there, barring three major competitors. And since a good friend of mine recently met a great guy on chemistry.com, I figured I'd give it a try. (And it didn't hurt that they had a 3-months-for-the-price-of-one thing going on.)

It's been, well, interesting.

The site works like eharmony does; you take a test and they send you guys based on your results. And then they send you to different guys -- presumably the same guys they send to you, although it's not seeming like that's the case, and the truth is, I can't figure out what the hell's going on.

All I know is that it's not working very well.

I've set some pretty clear parameters. Things like "no kids," "no smoking," and "must have bachelors degree or above." I've been generous with my physical requirements, simply asking that they be taller than I am, and active/fit. And I keep getting guys who smoke, or live deep in New Jersey, or neglected to mention that they have kids. There's the one guy who was drastically overweight but claimed he fell into the category of "a few extra pounds." (Sure, if we're counting it as a few extra pounds for each extremity!)

There are guys who are clearly foreign and leave articles out of their sentences. ("I go to gym and I go grocery store.") There are guys whose profiles are written IN ALL CAPS AND WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PUNCTUATION AT ALL. There are guys who have 11 pictures of themselves posted and each one is fuglier than the next.

But for me, the kicker was the guy whose profile read:

I am divorced. I don't have any kids . I have a very healthy lifestyle. I try to get the best of my day , and to fully enjoy it. I love to prepare myself . I belive education is something that nobody can take away from you. I am looking for an inteligent person with a lot of common sense and a good heart.Just write me an email let's meet and take it from there.

I'm an inteligent person. And I'm staying away.

holy crap, k8, where have you been?

I know. I know I know I know. But I'm back now and that's all that matters.

To appease you, I've come up with a list of games that I've been playing as the mountains of snow here have been melting. Stand in line, put on your pinney, and get picked last for your team as we play...

1. Wow! Pigeon Poop Turns Snow Green

2. Is That the Sidewalk, or a Four Inch Puddle of Slush? Let Me Step In It To Find Out

3. Honking Makes That Truck Able to Get Past That Bus -- Really!

4. Single File Walking Behind Grandma: A New Olympic Test of Patience

5. Who Doesn't Like Four Jam-Packed Trains in a Row?

6. Love Me, Love My Snowpants

7. Whoosh! Boom! Splat! Falling Down is Funny!

8. I'm the Only One in the Office: It Must Be Naptime

Happy New Year!