in completely unrelated news...

And now for a collection of stuff that you're extremely unlikely to find even remotely utile:

1. It's 7:16 in the morning and the neighbors haven't slammed the door. I'm just awake for absolutely no good reason. I get up, pee, lay back down, toss and turn, think about the MOUNTAIN of laundry in my closet ready to swallow me whole, wonder if I have enough time to go buy groceries and then finally decide this whole pretending-to-fall-back-asleep charade isn't fooling anyone.

I get up, stumble into the kitchen and decide there's just enough time to bake banana bread (and just enough life left in those two bananas). Ten minutes later, it's in the oven. And I still have 24 minutes before I usually get up.

Inspriation strikes! Gingerbread! It's good for pregnant friends, after all.

Ten minutes later, that's in the oven and I'm in the shower.

Six hours later, I'm a little sleepy, but full to the gills with tasty tasty gingerbread!

2. Christina was here this weekend and finally got to meet Thea! I felt like I was in the middle of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup -- two great ladies that got along great together. (I think I'm the wrapper in this metaphor.) The best part about Christina is how she can make me laugh for hours on end, and then when I sit down to recount what was so funny, all I can come up with is the fact that we barked at the Washington Square Park arch by saying "Arch! Archarcharcharch! ARCH!" Oh, and we took pictures of ourselves, first with her mouth closed and mine open, then with my mouth closed and hers open and then finally, with both our mouths sort of open.

Really funny, I know!

3. I've made some changes to my online dating profile, which really crack me up. Such as:

What I like - or dislike - about what I do for a living
Suffice it to say that this part of my life is under construction. So if you walked by this part of my life, it might whistle and hoot at you. Probably best to take of your shirt and shake it a little bit. I mean, that's what I do at construction sites. Don't you?

4. I'm reading a book that was recommended to me five years ago, and instead of just a recommendation, I wish I had been hit over the head with it and forced to read it. (Ok, this section might be mildly useful. But don't get your hopes up.) It's called Mars and Venus on a Date. Ok, ok, feel free to sit there and snicker, hiding behind your newspapers and pointing and laughing at me. But really, it's given me some great insights into just dating. Setting up a dynamic that, instead of being a great dynamic for right now, becomes a great dynamic for the long term.

See, some of you know this: I tend to rush into relationships. (Don't think I can't hear your audible gasps.) I like to start at the end, so that I can get there faster. And to facilitate that, I like to emotionally give give give give give, and somtimes, (as was the case with ugly cake), the guy I'm with likes to emotionally take take take take take. And a few months down the road, I can't figure out why he's not giving to me and why I'm unhappy with the relationship.

I don't want to spoil the book for you, but it deals with precisely this topic.

5. I have no groceries at home. As such, my lunches this week rely heavily on tangerines (of which there are nigh on hundreds) and, um, whatever else I can find. The occasional sweet potato. Frozen peas. Tofu-based imitation sausage (much tastier than it sounds). More tangerines. Yes, I could buy lunch. But have you been outside lately? It's very cold.

6. I saw a great movie in Florida called Mongolian Ping Pong. It's this quiet little movie about a boy in Bumfuck Mongolia who finds a ping pong ball floating down the river, and doesn't know what it is. I won't say more than that. It's just a beautiful film and worth netflixing.

7. I was told last night that there is a Burger King on MacDonald Avenue in Brooklyn, which to me was one of the funniest things I'd heard in a long time. However, in trying to find graphic proof of the loveliest of lovely paradoxes (paradoci?), I discovered that it's not quite true. It's on Fort Hamilton Parkway, right at the corner of MacDonald Avenue. Close enough for this blog, though!

8. I've finished my audiobook demo and will probably have it in hand in the next few weeks. Anyone with audiobook contacts is more than welcome to pass them along to me, in exchange for this scintillating writing that I pass off as entertainment. (Or maybe we could work something out near a construction site...)