the dumb report

Today is being kind of dumb. Not in an irritating way, though. In a fairly entertaining one. So, please, enjoy the dumb:

1. Dumb breakfast cereal
I eat cream of wheat for breakfast, and I usually put it in the microwave for 2 minutes, and then walk around the office kitchen, bored. Around one minute in, I'll go back and stir it, and around a minute thirty, I'll keep an eye on it, to make sure it doesn't overflow the cup. This is an exact science that took many embarrassing overflows to perfect. And my friend Andrea, who has since moved to Texas, was witness to the farina-covered walk of shame on multiple occasions, as she sits between me and the kitchen.

Today is Andrea's birthday. (Happy birthday, Andrea!!) So, while I was shuffling around the kitchen, I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be funny if I told Andrea that, in honor of her birthday, my cereal overflowed? It wouldn't have to actually overflow, I could just say it did and it would be funny." And then it did. And it wasn't funny. It was just dumb.

1.a. Dumb Cereal Part Two
Go ahead and visit www.creamofwheat.com. You'll notice that it's Kraft Foods. If I were Kraft, and someone wrote "creamofwheat.com," I'd send them right to the Cream of Wheat page, not the Recipes-That-Don't-Contain-Cream-Of-Wheat Page. (this section was dumber when I thought that Kraft didn't even make cream of wheat. Alas, they do. Sigh. Fifteen all.)

2. Dumb Frogs
My old roommate Erin used to have frogs. I hated them. I mean, they were cute, but she would leave for a week and ask me to take care of them, which meant feeding them crickets. "If they're big crickets," she'd say, "you have to pull their hind legs off, or the frogs will choke." Um, no thanks.

Well, it's January 2007, which means it's time for a new calendar. The only one they had at the store that had any character to it at all (other than the George Bush Out of Office Countdown Calendar -- and who wants to look at him all year?) was full of frogs. Yeah, I bought it. Yeah, I'm dumb. I'm taking it back over lunch to see if they have any adorable kittens goofy cows or, I don't know, NYFD hotties. Anything but frogs!

3. Dumb boys
Mr. Overseas finally called Kate, and when she said that she felt funny about their not communicating much recently, he said (and I quote as directly as I can) "oh, I don't feel funny about it at all."

Can you get much dumber than that? Reminds me of a guy I semi-dated waaaaaaay back in the day (he was 18 and I was... ahem... older). I told him "we've got a problem here," and he said, "no we don't." Oh, ok. Guess we don't then.

4. Dumb co-workers
My friend at work is going on vacation. She sent an out of office memo, saying clearly that she'd be out all next week. I get the Out of Office memo (that's circulated daily, showing who is not in today), and she's listed. And she's been listed out all week. Which wouldn't be so dumb, except that she's walked past reception (where the list is compiled) multiple times.

I may be the only person (besides my friend) who thinks this is dumb enough to be on this list. But if you don't think so too, then you might be dumb!

5. Other Dumb Coworkers
Dumb Coworker 1: You know that Celine Dion song?
Dumb Coworker 2: [names song, which I don't know]? Yeah.
Dumb Coworker 1: That song is really good to work out to.
Kate (to herself): WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?

This ends the dumb report. But that's not to say that the day won't get dumber. It very well may. In fact, I almost hope it does.