the sufferance of fools

Fools can now vote!

(Oh, wait, that's suffrage, not sufferance.)

[And, Kate, fools have been voting a lot in the past few years, you say. Totally different topic, my friends, totally different.]

So I was out the other night with my excellent friend Keri, and we were talking about how two such attractive figures as ourselves could spend a whole night at a bar or an event or just out, and not be chatted up or hit on or even ogled once -- not that we necessarily want to be ogled, but you know what I mean.

And I was reminded of something another friend once told me about why nobody's talking to me. "Kate," he said, looking at me with a big sweet smile on his face, "you look like you don't suffer fools gladly. I mean, you're gorgeous, but if I didn't already know you, there's no way I'd risk coming over to talk to you."

That's really stuck with me. (I may have added the "you're gorgeous," just to make my memory feel better, but that's not the point, either.) The challenge for me is that I don't suffer fools well, and I'd rather stay home and watch a movie than spend a night out chatting with someone boring, dumb or boorish.

So I focus on the girlfriend(s) I'm with. And I have a great time. But I do worry sometimes that I could spend the rest of my life this way, going out with girlfriends, connecting with people I already know, and not meeting anyone new.

I think it might be... Time for an Internet Advice Intervention!

Luckily for me, there are tons of advice columns about how to be more approachable in a social setting. I've picked a few of my favorites (and will be putting them all into action... maybe.)

This video warns me away from "blocking behaviors" like holding your wine glass in front of your face, or talking from behind a bush. (Ok, I'm lying about the bush.) Hmmm, can't say I'm doing either of those.

This page wants me to (and I quote) "have fun at a party." Now, see, I knew I was doing something wrong.

I like this page because it's completely irrelavant to my situation, and yet chock-a-block with good advice. (It's about how to be an Approachable Girl at School.) Things like "Always maintain good hygiene" and "Have fresh breath"; "Don't stress out too much about your body image; you have the rest of your life to do that." And my most favorite... "Be polite. No burping, spitting, swearing, etc. Say please, thank you, and sorry, even when it isn't your fault." Clearly, I should stop expecting to meet people when I'm running, as I rarely have good hygiene or fresh breath and I'm constantly spitting (and not at all sorry for it.)

This is a good resource for those of you who want to be more approachable while fly fishing. (I know I do.) Luckily, while fly fishing (as opposed to being an approachable girl at school (above)) what you wear is not important. (Phew!)

I'm fond of this article, because it says, "If you are a guy and you are wondering how to be approachable, you should probably go see a shrink because it is your job to be the one who approaches, not the one who is approached. So you fellas need to stop being lazy and put in work." Thanks, Sun Dixie, for letting me entirely off the hook!

This one's got some interesting advice: "Go to places where a guy can talk to you without a lot of spectators. Guys don't like to strike out, especially if there are a lot of witnesses. I don't mean for you to hang out in a dark alley. Maybe a park, the beach, an empty swing set." Hmm, that's actually good info. (Also on this site? "Make eye contact n smile ...not in a hooker way" Damn! I knew I was doing something wrong!)
I like this site because it's called "How to Stop Being a Social Outcast and Take Some Initiative (for Her)" Awesome. It's especially good because it's mostly advice on what not to do, for example, "Your smile. Don't do a hideous smile that shows all of your teeth or an ear-to-ear grin." Aw crap, I think my hideous smile is way better than my Mouthful of Rotten Fish smile...

And finally, a site that I found both entertaining and secretly kind of helpful. (Make sure you watch the Flirting Video.) It doesn't hurt that I know one of the actresses in the film, but the advice the woman gives out is actually kind of useful. She says that if you've got a group of women and you see a group of men just kind of hanging around at a bar, it's not a bad idea to approach them and say "hey, we're over here if you're interested." I'm not sure I'd ever have the guts to do it, but whatever.

So now that I'm armed with all this good advice, I expect to see you all at the bar this weekend, smiling, being approachable, and most of all, leaving your shrubs at home!