a plague, a cake, a hero, panama!

I have the plague!

It's true! I went to the doctor today and she said, "No More Monkeys Jumpin' on the Bed!"

No, wait, that's not what she said. She said (without touching me once), "why are you here?"

"Potential sinus infection."

"How long have you been sick?"

"About five days."

"What color is your mucus?"

"Mostly clear, kind of yellow."

"Facial pain?"

"Yes. Here." I pointed to my face, in a vain dumbshow, as she wasn't even looking in my direction.

"Ok, well, it's viral. Nothing we can do about that. But I will write you a prescription in case your mucus starts turning green."

"Don't you want to touch me?"

"No."

"Has all that we've shared together meant so little to you?"

"No. I just don't want to touch you. I'm actually a robot, and not a doctor at all. But shut up and leave or you'll have taken longer than your lunch hour."
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Ugly Cake's Twin Sister.

Last night I didn't go see Spoon in the rain (because it would be at Stuyvesant High School and I'd have to have a ticket and we all remember what happened last time...) (if you don't remember, "last time" was when I went to see John Pizzarelli and I actually had a really good time, but I liked the way "we all remember what happened last time" sounded as I wrote it.)
So I went home. And I baked. And I baked and baked and baked. And I brought the cake in to work this morning (kind of like Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, except it was Bring Your Ugly Cake to Work Day), and sent out the following email to my coworkers about the cake:

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK -- Last night, disaster struck a small apartment in the South Park Slope section of Brooklyn. An isolated incident, the unspecified and mysterious disaster was restricted to the oven and cooling rack of a recovering actress/baker named Kate Surgeon.

"When I put the cake in, I thought, well, ok, I altered the recipe a little," said Ms. Surgeon, covered head to toe in flour, "but I didn't think THIS would happen!"

Authorities reported to the scene to find what could only be described as the Ugliest Cake Kate's Baked Yet.

"That cake has no head!" shouted one EMT, as he swooned with disbelief.

"Yeah, but it's filled with pineapple and cocount goodness!" responded the hottest firefighter in Kate's Imagination, as he clutched the young woman in his arms and whisked her away to --
Oh, sorry. Got carried away there.

I have (ugly) cake.
kate

Don't believe me?
Original Ugly Cake:

Ugly Cake's (Fraternal) Twin Sister:
(I find it particularly appealing in this bizarro color scheme)
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My Newest Hero
This morning, on my way to work, I realized I had not turned my cellphone on all day yesterday. So when I did, in fact, turn it on, I was mid-walk to the subway. And in yanking it out of my bag, I also managed to yank out the little holder that has my metrocard, ID, library card, building pass and gym membership card. Except I didn't realize I had done this.

When I got to the subway and found myself bereft of said items, I tore ass back up the stairs and headed focusedly towards the spot where I got my phone out. My panic was building with each step -- my identity could be stolen, someone could pretend to be me and take hundreds of books out of the library, work out until she was sore and ride the subway for free for the next 16 days -- until I ran into an angel.

"Are you Katherine?" she asked, floating about two inches off the ground, swathed in the most beautiful light and accompanied by choirs of small angels on the harp.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE MY HERO!!!"

I fell prostrate in front of her, pledged my neverending love and gratitude to her and thanked her until I was sure she was going to push me in front of the next oncoming train (but not without grabbing my ID holder back before doing so -- underneath all the angel there was the gleam of a feindish reader-but-not-returner). I totally would have offered her my cake, but, well, it was ugly, and somehow didn't seem worthy of her.

Of the many things I am grateful for today (including the break in the weather, not having to take antibiotics and having delicous cake for breakfast), I am most grateful for her.

Whoever you are, I love you! (And I'm pretty sure the NYPL does, too!)