how dating is like frogger

Remember frogger? The videogame where you, the frog, had to jump through multiple lanes of traffic and get to the bushes on the other side of the freeway without getting run over? Well, I'd like to argue that's a lot like dating.

It takes a lot of work (planning, self-control, coordination, grace, good joystick maneuvering (ahem), cool-headedness, etc.) to get to a place you've heard is really rewarding, but may, in fact, not be anything more than bushes on the other side of the highway. (And, excuse me, but what is a frog doing in the bushes??)

Ok, so here's you, the friendly little frog:

That's a lot of traffic up ahead! How can you possibly navigate it?

Stay cool, little frog, you'll make it.

Here's me, on my date last night:

Oh no! Three minutes in and already I've thrown myself in front of a convertible full of joyriding teenagers!

The splatted-frog feeling is not uncommon among those of us who date online. Let's face it, a guy (or gal) can be really witty and funny when he has time to think out his responses and edit what he's written. But when you're face to face... well, that's got its own challenges -- attraction, expectations, enough things in common to carry on a conversation...

No matter what, I'd recommend facing those challenges head on, like a little frog about to jump in front of a police car. NOT like my date last night, who faced them by talking to my armpit all through dinner. (Periodically he'd check back in with my nose, but the majority of our conversation was shared with the fine contours of my axilla.) I was forced to flirt with the waiter.
Sometimes, when you're caught between a rock and a hard place (or a semi and a convertible), it's good to call in an expert to help you out. However, it's best if your expert is not in a bar where she can't hear her cellphone, and as such, when you text her with a dire need for her to play her role in your exit strategy, she can't hear you or help you.

In that case, just move backwards -- but don't get hit by that police car! Call a friend who knows you're on a date, but has no clue what your exit strategy is, and leave her a message that says, "Hey, it's me. Are you going to that thing tonight? (pause) You're there already? Where is it? (pause) In Brooklyn? Sweet! (pause) That's on Union and what? Fifth? (pause) Yeah, yeah, right next to the sushi place. (pause) All right, I'll see you in a bit! Ok (sound like you're cutting her off) ok, just tell me about it when I get there. Bye!"

(Be sure to text her from the subway saying "I know that message made no sense. I'll call you soon!")

With all these similarities, it would seem like a foregone conclusion that dating actually is a game of frogger. Here's the major difference though: when you sit down to a game of frogger, get a few minutes into the game and realize that a) it's not the game you thought it was, and b) you don't really want to play this game (not that it's not a great game and all, you just don't want to play it), you can turn off the computer and walk away. It's a lot harder to finagle your way out of a date.

Unless you throw yourself in front of a semi. Messy? Yes. But if you live near a hospital, it might just be the exit strategy you're looking for.