But now that I’ve got you, I have some things to discuss with you.
Like...
1) The indescribability of modern dance.
Saturday night I went with my friend Avery to an evening of dance (a "dance show"?) by a Brazilian troupe, Grupo Corpo, which was just amazing to watch and surprisingly hard to discuss. I mean, I’m at a disadvantage. I can talk to you until the cows come home about theatre or Microsoft Word (and please god, if I do that, send the cows home quickly!) but dance? Waaaaay out of my league.
Saturday night I went with my friend Avery to an evening of dance (a "dance show"?) by a Brazilian troupe, Grupo Corpo, which was just amazing to watch and surprisingly hard to discuss. I mean, I’m at a disadvantage. I can talk to you until the cows come home about theatre or Microsoft Word (and please god, if I do that, send the cows home quickly!) but dance? Waaaaay out of my league.
Me: I loved that part, where they were all cockroaches on the upper wall!
Ave: You mean, when they were slow-motion gazelles?
Me: That was so cool, how they were doing the backstroke out of the water!
Ave: Yeah, that death flop was pretty awesome.
Me: That part at the end? I totally loved that!
Ave: The part where they were having violent sex?
Me: Oh, is that what they were doing? I thought they were just fighting for the cool spot on the bed. (because we all know how awesome it is to find that cool spot in the middle of summer...)
2) How, when you date online, you really have to meet three distinct people. (And like them all.)
The first person you meet is the person in the profile. For me to be interested in this person, he has to be cute enough to spark my interest and he must say at least one thing that makes me crack a smile. You send some sort of communication to Person One, and hope that he’ll like your Person One in return.
The second person you meet is the person who sends you emails. These emails must be charming, witty and have mostly good spelling and grammar (unless suitable excuses have been made in advance). Ideally, Person Two is the same as Person One, but I have yet to find more than three people for whom this is the case. This is all OK, as long as I like both Person One and Person Two.
Then comes Person Three. The guy you meet at the coffeeshop (if you’re me, and still adhering to your First Date Should Involve No Drinking Just to Make Sure You’re Not Just Enjoying Getting Tipsy With This Guy rule). This guy is almost never anything like Persons One and Two, but if you’re lucky, the only thing that will matter is whether or not you like him and/or hit it off.
(The more I date, the more my life resembles a Dr. Seuss book.)
3) The mass quantities of baked goods that have passed through my oven doors recently.
Let’s put it this way: I baked vegan pumpkin raisin cookies (from a recipe), a pumpkin bundt cake (also from a recipe) and mint chocolate brownies (kind of from a recipe) on Saturday. I spent the rest of my life in the gym.
4) It’s my blog’s 2nd Birthday!
Well, it was, about three days ago. I meant to celebrate. I just couldn’t because I was so busy eating cake.
Well, it was, about three days ago. I meant to celebrate. I just couldn’t because I was so busy eating cake.
5) Our Office April Fools’ Joke
My boss reminded us that today was, in fact, April Fools’ day, and in honor of that, she sent out the following email (with our help and suggestions):
Just a few words about the new copiers being installed today, April 1st.
When we moved into the building, some of you thought it was odd to have coffee machines in the same rooms as the copiers. That was actually the beginning of a space-saving project that will take a huge leap forward with the new copiers. On the new models, the coffee machines are actually built in to the copiers (now known as "Coffiers"), which makes all kinds of counter space available for storing abandoned copy jobs and, starting this June, for summer associate work space.
If you click the "Coffee" option on the coffier screen (see below), you will be able to save your settings for cream and sugar and charge the appropriate client at the same time.
The new copiers will play a big role in our Records Retention policy, too. By adjusting the retention settings on the copier, you can have your copy and print jobs sent directly to an off-site shredder. We anticipate that this will considerably reduce the amount of paper being stored on the 13th floor.
And this just in. . . Lexis-Nexis has just announced its acquisition of Xerox and its name change to Lexeroxis. Starting today, April 1st, all Lexeroxis copiers will automatically Shepardize all cases and cite-check all briefs being copied or printed unless users go through a simple 37-step process to disable that feature each time they print or copy a brief.
The new copiers’ scanners also boast an improved OCR feature that will not only recognize handwriting and foreign languages (including Cyrillic and simplified Chinese characters), but which will automatically detect any inappropriate anatomical copying and forward the copies to HR along with a DNA sample of the offender.
In terms of integration with our other systems, the copier will be hooked into Meeting Room Manager, and can automatically re-route copy and print jobs to the 11th floor after meetings where food has been served, so that people will actually have a reason to be down on the 11th floor at those times. Speaking of the lunchroom, copier upgrades being considered for the future include a toaster attachment, which should help clear the bottleneck on Bagel Fridays.
Please let me know if you have any questions about these features.
Thanks,
Carol
When we moved into the building, some of you thought it was odd to have coffee machines in the same rooms as the copiers. That was actually the beginning of a space-saving project that will take a huge leap forward with the new copiers. On the new models, the coffee machines are actually built in to the copiers (now known as "Coffiers"), which makes all kinds of counter space available for storing abandoned copy jobs and, starting this June, for summer associate work space.
If you click the "Coffee" option on the coffier screen (see below), you will be able to save your settings for cream and sugar and charge the appropriate client at the same time.
The new copiers will play a big role in our Records Retention policy, too. By adjusting the retention settings on the copier, you can have your copy and print jobs sent directly to an off-site shredder. We anticipate that this will considerably reduce the amount of paper being stored on the 13th floor.
And this just in. . . Lexis-Nexis has just announced its acquisition of Xerox and its name change to Lexeroxis. Starting today, April 1st, all Lexeroxis copiers will automatically Shepardize all cases and cite-check all briefs being copied or printed unless users go through a simple 37-step process to disable that feature each time they print or copy a brief.
The new copiers’ scanners also boast an improved OCR feature that will not only recognize handwriting and foreign languages (including Cyrillic and simplified Chinese characters), but which will automatically detect any inappropriate anatomical copying and forward the copies to HR along with a DNA sample of the offender.
In terms of integration with our other systems, the copier will be hooked into Meeting Room Manager, and can automatically re-route copy and print jobs to the 11th floor after meetings where food has been served, so that people will actually have a reason to be down on the 11th floor at those times. Speaking of the lunchroom, copier upgrades being considered for the future include a toaster attachment, which should help clear the bottleneck on Bagel Fridays.
Please let me know if you have any questions about these features.
Thanks,
Carol
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