don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades (oh no!)

Dear Corey Hart, two-hit wonder of the 80s,

Remember when you wrote that song, "Sunglasses at Night" and we all went around wearing sunglasses at night? Yeah, so do I. Just so you know, I really loved that song. (But I have an excuse -- I was seven.)

At work today, we had a little debate that I thought you might want to know about. We argued over what the lyrics for your hit song were. Terrence thought they were "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can, watch you eat and breathe, and blah blah blah." I thought they were "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can, watch you even breathe your story told." Fernando had no opinion, as he was two at the time your song was a hit.

Corey, what exactly does this mean?

I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Watch you weave
Then breathe your story lines

And you know, while we're here, what the hell does any of this mean?

While she's deceiving me
It cuts my security
Has she got control of me
I turn to her and say
Don't switch the blade
On the guy in shades, oh-no
Don't masquerade
With the guy in shades, oh-no
I can't believe it
'Cause you got it made
With the guy in shades, oh-no

I totally see how you're warning me. Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades because HE CAN'T SEE. It's nighttime! It's dark! And of course, if you go switching blades in the dark, well, anything could happen.

Riddle me this, though, Corey, if he's so blind that I'm not supposed to masquerade or switch the blade on him, how exactly do you think I've got it made with him??

And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Forget my name while you collect your claim
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
See the light that's right before my eyes

Um, what?

I thought you said the man in shades was blind enough not to masquerade. And now you're telling me he can see the light that's right before his eyes? But he doesn't remember his name. So basically there's some guy out there who can't see, can't remember, can't be blade-switched (whatever the hell that actually means) and yet, you expect me to think it's all good.

After this analysis, I think I understand what you mean by "Never Surrender." And it may not be a terrible thing that you've become a songwriter for Celine Dion.

Still love you, though!
xoxo
k8

p.s. you may want to rethink this video, though. It's so eighties!