a letter to Chicago's O'Hare Airport

My sister actually sent this letter to the O'Hare website:

Dear Chicago O'Hare Airport-

I wanted to do this in person, it would have made sense as we've spent so much time together over the past few years. But the last time we were together, I was so mad I could hardly speak to you. So I am writing you this letter.

I think we should end this relationship. Lately I've been feeling neglected - like I'm not a priority in your life. For example, just last week, I sat alone in an uncomfortable chair next to a fat man while my plane was delayed four hours, ten minutes at a time. I had to pay for internet access and I couldn't even remember my Boingo Account, so I had to create a new one.

I'm not accusing you of anything, but it seems that you are much more devoted to American Airlines than you are to me. You put so much time and energy into that relationship and here I am, sitting there, waiting, missing meetings, being late for dinners. You never even apologize for these things and you never even seem sorry. Last week you wouldn't even give me my bag back even though my destination was only a two hour drive.

More importantly over the past few months, I've started seeing someone else. I didn't want you to have to find out about it from a stranger so I'll just tell you. I've been having a beautiful relationship with the Detroit Metro Airport. I've been getting upgraded and fed and they even have a little store with cat and dog paraphernalia. And a massage chair. And Detroit treats me like the princess that I am, not a second class citizen like you do.

I'm sorry it had to end like this. Maybe it would be better if we were just friends.

Warmly,
Priscilla Rocket