my mother is funnier than your mother

I traveled to DC with my parents this past weekend by car, and before leaving, I received this email from my mother:

Madame:
For your car picnic dinner, please place your order.

A. Would you like:
1-tuna salad on bread
2-tuna salad in a bowl
3-tuna salad on a cracker
4-tuna salad flung in your face as you drive

B. would you like
1 - blueberries without peaches
2 - peaches without blueberries
3 - peaches and blueberries
4 - fruit salad flung in your face as you drive

C. Would you like
1 - diet coke, no caffeine, no ice
2 - diet caffeine, no coke, no ice
3 - diet ice, no caffeine, no coke
4 - an unidentified beverage flung in your face as you drive

D. Would you like
1 - leftover pasta timbale
2 - new pasta cymbals and chimes
3 - used pasta with no cheese or shit
4 - Dad's dirty sox flung in your face as you drive

E, Would you like
1 - something chocolaty and nutty
2 - something nutty and chocolaty
3 - something obscenely delicious (I have no idea where I would get this)
4 - a vanilla ice cream cone smashed in your face and chocolate syrup poured over your head and a banana shoved up your butt while you drive

Now I"m laughing so hard I can't read spell check.

I dare your mom to even come close.