Jeune fille avec le grande illusion
A girl in my neighborhood who told her friends that she was a really good swimmer and this year her mom was probably going to let her swim across "Lake Champagne." I thought about volunteering to lifeguard.
L'conversacion (for two)
On the way to the subway, I passed a married couple with a kid. This was the extent of their conversation.
Him: Yeah.
Her: Yeah, yeah.
(pause)
Him: Yeah.
Les Bougies
I learned a new phrase from Fernando the other day. He told me he had a "bat in the cave." I couldn't figure out what it meant until I saw him waving his hands around his face, generally aiming for his nose.
L'grand ironie
A friend texted me this from the airport the other day: "I just saw a dog with cataracts leading a visually impaired man leading a blind man."
L'grand comique
I heard that there is one joke that is universal. It appeals to everyone, regardless of upbringing, race, religion, history, etc. I'm not sold on its universality, but it's this: the idea of a fat man rolling down a staircase. (Are you laughing?)
L'grand question
How many times is the average turnstile rung on the top of the turnstile? I imagine the answer is "one out of three" but I don't want it to be. Because picture this: you've got one person going in, and one person going out. Then in, then out. That third rung (the one on the bottom) will never make it to the top. But I guess they invented math to prove my silly logic wrong.
Troisième
Salade Chinoise
I had Chinese food the other night with my friend Kate. Afterwards, I cracked open my fortune cookie. "Happiness is a state of mind," it read. "That's stupid." Kate said. We cracked up. Which begs the real question: which is stupider, the fortune cookie or us?
Jours de maladie
A friend at work was talking about having a touch of the plague. "You know," he said, "it's just kind of a 24-hour Ebola. Nothing big."
Faux-real Fernando
An actual quote from Fernando today: "She's asking if we're talking about her. What should I say?"
Dessert
Pie-ta
I was at an awesome concert last night and sitting in a nook behind where my date and I were standing were two women, one cradling the other. I asked my date what he thought was going on, and he said, "maybe she's sick and needs to be cradled." Later in the concert, I pointed out that unless she was flashing the audience a brief smile, one of the lead singers looked like she had a headache. "Perhaps she needs to be cradled," my date offered.
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3 comments:
I ended up with a girlfriend once because she got sick at a concert we were both at. She got sick, I took her home and held her hand and told the bus driver to let her off to puke, and I got a hot GF out of it. I won?
I'm just glad I wasn't at your concert!
Congratulations on turning 500!
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