know your blogger: a quiz for the dedicated reader

Directions: Using a number 2 pencil, mark the correct answers on the screen. (If you're blonde and make a mistake, feel free to liberally apply white out to the screen, but only if you've ever been to Disney and seen the sign "<-----Disney Left" and gone home.)


1. What has gotten your favorite blogger up onto the roof four times already this summer?
a) the regional tour of Riverdance
b) blocked gutters that, when they overflow, make a really loud splash against the fire escape and wake her up at four in the morning
c) a cadre of noisy squirrels having sex
d) how would you know, you're not my favorite blogger!


2. When recently hard boiling some eggs, what did your favorite blogger do?
a) join the regional tour of Riverdance
b) start juggling the raw eggs and not the hard boiled ones
c) not scorch, toast, or merely burn her potholder, but aim for more of a potholder flambee, requiring a festive dance while putting a flaming piece of fabric into the sink
d) See d, above


3. What did your favorite blogger's date say as he ascended the stairs to her apartment?
a) "Nice ass! Do you Riverdance?"
b) "Geez, this is the ugliest apartment building color scheme I've ever seen."
c) "Come here often?"
d) "Hi Jesus, Hi Tiger!"


4. What would you say if you saw this in the hallway of your date's apartment building?

a) "Nice ass! Do you Riverdance?"
b) "Geez, this is the ugliest apartment building color scheme I've ever seen."
c) "Come here often?"
d) "Hi Jesus, Hi Tiger!"

5. Your favorite blogger recently celebrated her half birthday. What did her date bring her?
a) half a birthday card, reading "You'll need it when you're swinging on the chandelier by your ass," prompting her to wonder what in the hell the other half said
b) half a book of Tom Robbins short stories and one organic cotton legwarmer
c) half a vegan cupcake that was shockingly delicious (and animal free!)
d) all of the above

6. How many runs did your favorite blogger score in her kickball game today?
a) 0
b) 1
c) 2!
d) she plays kickball? Isn't that kind of, well, athletic?

7. What was the highlight of the kickball game?
a) your favorite blogger's chocolate-coconut cupcakes
b) the way your favorite blogger caught the kickball and made the out, even though it may well have broken her left boob
c) when your favorite blogger did a cheerleading kick that took her foot over her head and somehow knocked her other foot off the ground, causing her to land on her ass and exclaim, "Ow! My pride!"
d) all of the above

8. Which words best describe the weather your favorite blogger has been living with?
a) summery, delightful & lovely
b) June-like, dry & breezy
c) clear skies, fresh & salubrious
d) none of the above (see question 1)

TO SCORE:
The best way to score is to be your favorite blogger's date! (Ba-dump! I'll be here all week; tip your waitress!)

Another way to score is to be on your favorite blogger's kickball team, as they beat the black team 10-6 today.

Or, you could just add up all the correct answers. (There should be 8 of them.)