a waste of fur

Have I mentioned that I hate my landlord's dog? I mean, there are few things in this world that I really, truly, gut-burningly hate, and that little yip-dog is one of them. He's a Rottweiler shrinky-dink cooked in the microwave with a side of ANNOYING. (Best served about two hours before you actually have to wake up.)

I have tried to find the small, obscure corner of my heart that this early-morning-barker could occupy, but to no avail. (One corner's full of snotty spit recently coughed up onto the sidewalk, one of litterbugs, one of drunken NYU students and the fourth is reserved for my door-slamming neighbors.) Sorry, pooch, no vacancy here.

Especially not after this morning.

I left my apartment around 8am on a Saturday morning (which, in and of itself seemed cruel enough to me) and opened the front door of the building to find my landlord and his little shit coming back from a walk. I stepped aside so that they had easy access into the "courtyard" (really just a garbage can hang-out place) and as I stepped out of the way, Kujo Jr. charged me, jumped my leg AND SUNK HIS YAPPY LITTLE TEETH INTO ME!

No, he didn't break the skin (lucky little fuck), so I felt ok rejecting my landlord's advice ("go to the hospital"). But I did charge back upstairs, sobbing (more from the surprise and outrage than anything else), to douse my entire leg with alcohol and smother it in neosporin.

"Don't you think he's old enough not to be biting anymore?" I asked with a painfully condescending tone in my voice.

"I'm thinking, actually," my landlord stammered, as he backed his way out of my apartment, "of shipping him upstate to my son."

"Good!" I shouted, as I slammed the door for my neighbors' early-morning enjoyment. "Get that fucker out of here!"

(Ok, ok. You all know I didn't actually say that. But boy did I think it.)

And the funny thing? When I called 311 to find out what the procedure is when you get a dog bite (what your rights are, etc.), they transfered me to the Poison Control Center.

Just think! I could have gotten Yipshit Poisoning! What a close call!