why hello, 4am! haven’t seen you in a while

It's very early. (Although not quite as early as it was when I got out of bed... three and a half hours ago.)

I just had one of those can't-sleep-anymore nights, and figured that rather than lay around in bed, I'd get up and make the best use of my time. (And by "best use" I mean "um, I probably should do all this crap and now's as good as any time.")

Here's my recommended list of Ten Things To Do When You Get Up Godawful Early And Can't Get Back To Sleep:

1) Watch an episode of CSI, thinking it will lull you back to sleep.

I highly recommend NOT picking the episode with your boyfriend, Alan Tudyk, in it, as you will have to stay up and watch it (even though Alan plays a gay pedophile who (spoiler!) was guilty.) *sigh.*

2) Clamber back into bed, thinking that you are now on a different brain wavelength (especially if you accidentally watch the Tudyk CSI and feel your heart palpitating with odd, gay, pedophilic love) and will be able to drop off to sleep instantaneously.

This step may not aid you in getting back to sleep, but it will offer you the opportunity to eat a slice of bread (to quiet the rumbling in your tumbling) without having to consider it part of your caloric intake for the day. "I must have been sleep-eating" you hear yourself say later.

3) Surrender to being awake.
This involves putting on pants (fuscia) and your robe (lavender) and your sleep shirt (black and red) and looking like a supermodel.

4) Balance your checkbook.
No, I'm not kidding. Your math will suck just as badly at noon as it will at 5:30 a.m. so why not get it out of the way? Sure you'll be depressed longer about how little money you have but some things are just bound to suck anyway.

5) Listen to your podcasts.
You're reading a new book that is a) almost 500 pages and b) due back in the library in probably two weeks, so you're reading that feindishly on the subway. You'd pick it up now, except it'd probably put you to sleep... Wait a second...

However, listening to your podcasts (espeically if they're NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me) may yield you checkbook-balancing balance: turns out, Women with small waists and big hips also have big IQs. How cool is that?

6) Write in your blog.
Your readers have noticed a considerable drop off in your writing in the past few months. I'd recommend adding some sort of apology, like how your new job actually keeps you busy all day and makes it hard to have inania to remark on. (Sorry readers!) (Oh, also sorry that "inania" isn't a word. It should be.)

7) Scrub your shower and hang your new shower curtains.
What? You did that last night?

8) Mop your kitchen floor.
Ok, surely you're joking now. I balanced my checkbook and filed my paperwork. What more do you want???

9) Sew that button back onto your jacket.
You know, Kate, you're really pushing it here. It's already 7:30 and I regularly get up in half an hour anyway. Why don't I just go back to bed?

10) Resist the urge to go back to bed and be thankful that it's Friday.
At least you can sleep in to your heart's content then.

If none of these solutions work for you, then clearly, you're not me.
Good morning!