the garbage can debacle

There are many words I would use to describe myself, but "neat freak" is not one of them. (it's not two of them, either, thank you, grammar police). I am clean, fairly well organized and Actively Not Disgusting, but there are times when my chores (mainly doing the dishes or washing the floor) take a backseat to, um, anything.

Seemingly unrelatedly (but trust me, it will all work out in the end), I eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. Which means I throw out a lot of decomposable goodies. (Brooklyn + composting = RATS, alas.)

(You see where this is going now, don't you?)

The other night I had a date coming to pick me up at 8:30. Around 8:15, I opened the lid of my can to toss out a paper towel, and out of my trash can flew a frightening phalanx of fruit flies.
I slammed the lid down in all expedient haste, but not before seeing the ecosystem I had created in there... and the small drosophila birthing center my garbage can had become.

Swallowing a lot more than my pride, I carried the can down to the curb, opened it up, and encouraged the flies (and their maggoty offspring) to go ahead and Do Their Own Thing now that we weren't in my house anymore. They pretty much refused, sticking silently and disgustingly to the can.

Mind you, my date was scheduled to arrive any minute.

I ran back into the building, grabbed my bottle of Fabulous (a.k.a. 99 Cent Store Fantastic) and started squirting. Half a bottle later, 80% of the maggots were sloshing around in an orange-scented bath in the bottom of the can, which I promptly dumped in the street. The other 20% were just begging for a meeting with some paper towels.

I swiped. I wiped. I grossed myself out hardcore. And finally, when it was just the bottom layer of ick left in the can, I propped it against the wall so it could collect the water falling from my neighbors' air conditioner. (yes, I'm a genius.)

It's now 8:32. My date showed up, and I was slightly harried, toting a bottle of Fabulous, nine disgusting paper towels and a look in my eye that says "please ask me about ANYTHING but the garbage can."

Being a gentleman, he didn't, thank god. But, man oh man, do I bet he wondered what the hell I was doing out there!