the dangers of the second date

Beware the perils of the first date!

If it's blind (or semi-blind), there are tons of pitfalls just waiting to sabotage a first date -- he could be too short/ugly/boring/hairy/stupid/smelly/alcoholic/etc. You could have nothing to talk about. He could chew with his mouth open. He could have several inches of earhair. He could be a psycho killer and murder you. (These are but a few. There are, unfortunately, thousands more, some so bad you might wish he were a psycho killer so the date could just be over.)

But let's assume you pass through that hurdle, unscathed and earhair-free. A good first date can be a fluke, leading you to an optimistic-yet-casually-reserved second date, which may or may not suck, depending on how wrong your first impression was.

You're an intrepid dater, though, so you and your expectations-free self go on your second date and one of two things happen: you either realize you were completely right in having hesitations (or referring to your date as "Second-Chance Frank"), or the unthinkable occurs: you actually start to like him.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Just the thought of it sends shivers down your spine and makes you grab all your toys and head for the faraway hills of NC (Non-Commitment). And while your inner wuss is shoving Barbie, her Camaro and six pair of underwear into a knapsack, the rest of you is incessantly (but secretly) checking email and more-often-than-could-possibly-be-necessary making sure your phone battery isn't dead. (Trust me, it isn't.)

You play it cool, though, because you're not 14 anymore (and haven't been for months), and you realize that jumping into anything would be stoopider than stoopid. You take dates with other guys, in hopes that maybe they might actually be cooler than Mr. Good Second Date, while at the same time praying that they're not. You shove a million activities onto your plate so that you don't have to just pretend to be busy. And meanwhile, you talk about him at every opportunity, telling your friends all the cute-ass things he did on your good second date, sounding more and more like the popular cheerleader in the teen novel series that you never would admit to reading in public, especially not on a blog.

(ahem.)

What you forget is that now is the time to observe his behavior, gauge if he is really as funny/thoughtful/smart/considerate as you think he is, and generally keep your cards close to your chest. Confine the fluttering to your heart and don't let it show in your hands. Avoid leaving the retarded voicemail messages that go on for sixteen minutes and accomplish absolutely nothing.

Let the natural hunter do what he does best: pursue.

Now, this is hard. Some people have to fight this inner fight this right off the bat, and some people have to wait for a (good) second date. Some don't get there until six months have passed. The self-control part is not easy, especially if you think you're exceptionally cool and there couldn't possibly be a reason he wouldn't want to hear from you several thousand times a day. However, it helps if you have a sister who consistently reminds you to stay "cool as a cucumber" (and a friend to whom you have told the "cucumber story" while her four year old was listening, so every time you call your friend, the four year old asks, "who's a cucumber?")

It's easy as pie to go on a million first dates. The hard part is getting past the second and going on a third, fourth or fifth one.