thoughts i'm pretty sure i heard people thinking this morning

Now that I'm starting to cover some of the delusional disorders in Abnormal Psych at Kate State, I'm pretty sure I can hear people think (but only when I'm not wearing my tin foil hat). Proof? Here's what I heard this morning on my way to work:

(Big fat woman at the top of the stairs) "I know that the other staircase is empty, but I need to come down THIS ONE, RIGHT NOW, even though there are still hundreds of people coming up it."

(Rushing guy in front of me, who had to stop short at the turnstile) "Whatever. That girl behind me's got ten toes. Don't matter that I just flattened one of them with my big-ass-honkin' shoe. I won't apologize!"

(Pushy girl who just had to get in front of me on the stiars) "Me. Me me me! Mememememememememe! Me! ME! me! me. me.me.me.me. MEEEEEE!"

(Smelly, creepy guy across the aisle on the M train) "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Marry me."

(Conductor of 6 train just waiting patiently for me at City Hall as I bound up the stairs to catch it) "Run bitch! Run! HA HA! Who's standing clear of the closing doors now??"

(Woozy, grey-looking woman across the aisle on the 4 train) "I'm totally gonna barf. But I'm gonna wait until this paranoid girl across the aisle stops reading my thoughts, so it's more of a surprise to her."

(Irritating people behind me at work) "Let's spend today talking just like we did yesterday to see how mindnumbingly annoying we can be to Kate." "Yeah, she'll enjoy that!"

And now I know what you're thinking -- "She can't possibly read my thoughts over the internet... or can she? She's so hot! And wikkid genius, too! I wonder where I can get me a tin foil hat like that..."

When I'm right, I'm right.