positivity and crap like that

In addition to my day job, I work a few nights a month at one of those Actors' Seminar Companies, where actors pay exorbitant fees (up to $31)to meet (for five minutes) with agents and/or casting directors, who are then paid by the company to do, what, in my opinion, they should be doing for free -- meeting actors. To protect the innocent, we'll just call this company Schmactors Schmonnection.

What I do for them is to host these seminars. Basically, I act as a combo stage-manager/maitre'd, checking in the other actors, getting the guest to the seminar, and then timing each one-on-one session between the actors and the industry guest. It's so simple even a monkey could do it, which is the only reason (I believe) the owners actually trust actors to do it.

[Having recently complained about the inappropriateness of actor jokes, I hope you all see that I say that from the point of view of the owners, who I assume from their need to control us completely, think actors are stupid pieces of crap. I, however, love actors. (just as much as I hate them.)]

Last night I had a mandatory four hour meeting in which one of the current co-owners (who is easily the most "positive" person I know, which really just means she smiles at you when she disagrees with and dismisses you) started to (cringe) "build a team" of hosts for the (blech) "new opportunities ahead." Barf bags were not provided, but munchkins were, which offset the misery of this meeting but little.

The first thing we did was to come up with The Rules of the Team. The inside of my skin started to itch almost instantaneously. We came up with a variety of them -- be on time, treat others with respect, only give information you're sure about, blah blah blah. All very positive, but all very much common sense. Personally, I think the only rule we really needed was "Don't be a Fucking Idiot," but that's phrased in a negative way, so maybe "Be Smarter than a Bag of Hair" would be a better choice.

Here's the thing. This woman wants positive, upbeat, reliable people to run her seminars and to represent the face of Schmactors Schmonnection in her absence. I can totally understand that. It's her business, and she wants to create an atmosphere of complete service, so she can compete in the marketplace. However, she is only willing to pay these representatives $8 an hour. You know what you get for that pay scale?

"You want fries with that?"

And actually, my problem is not the payscale. I have a day job to make money. I host these seminars because we used to get a free seminar credit for every seminar we hosted. (due to things like state laws, they've had to change that, and now they have to pay us in money, not credit.) My problem is with this front of positivity and her complete lack of faith in her employees (or whatever the hell we are) to behave like grown ups with common sense and decency. And the need I felt from her to control every aspect of our interaction with the clients.

For example, a big war was fought over whether "leave your personal stuff at the door" should be a rule. I for one, found it retarded. You should always leave your negativity and garbage at the door -- especially if you're meeting an industry guest! Hello, no agent wants to sign Cranky Carol! But to make it a rule? For which there are consequences if you break it? No thanks. I'd rather self-police than have the Positivity Patrol up my ass.

I left the meeting feeling manipulated, dismissed and otherwise used. I am not a ridiculously positive person, but neither am I an outrageously negative one. And all I felt she focused on was how, even without being there herself, she could fill the halls with Stepford Hosts.

Where, after four hours, was my incentive to excel at customer service for Schmactors Schmonnection, to be that perfect host? What's in it for me? Because as much as I want to "leave my ego at the door" (no, it's not a rule, but it is in the Code of Honor... can you imagine four hours of that???) the only cause I'm really interested in working to benefit is me. Not Schmisa Schmold, not Schmactors Schmonnection. Because this is not about Art, my friends, it's about Business. And this is a woman who wants each of her employees to "Come to the Office with a Higher Cause."

I think my days at Schmactors Schmonnection may be drawing to a close. And maybe that's the most positive thing there is.