nothing will come of nothing

When King Lear asks Cordelia what she can say about how much she loves him, she replies (famously) with "nothing." He responds to her (also famously) with "Nothing will come of nothing, speak again."

Sadly, these days, when people ask me what I am up to, I tend to reply with "nothing," as well. And, while I don't think my father will banish me and then go nuts and I'll eventually die, I do think that my response bodes less than well for me. Nothing will come of nothing, in terms of conversation enthusiasm. I mean, what are you supposed to ask next? "How's that nothing treating you?" "I hear nothing's really big these days!"

And beyond that, I am up to a lot of things. I'm doing King Lear, for one. I'm dating. I'm seeing shows. I'm reading. I'm eating too much cake at my favorite kid's third birthday party. I'm watching parades full of mermaids (and assorted other flotsam and jetsam, but that's another story). I'm living my life. It just feels, somehow, that I'm waiting for the next big thing. And in the waiting, I'm doing nothing.

There's this expectation in the acting community (and in many others, I imagine) that you should be running around like a chicken with its head cut off, doing a reading here, a callback there, and six or seven pending projects all across the country, especially in the in-between-gigs time. And I'm doing none of that. I'm not taking any classes. I'm not meeting any agents. I'm not going on any big auditions. And I think that the more I focus on that, the more I drop my energy down and get depressed, the less I'll actually manage to do any of those things.
Nothing, will indeed, come of nothing.

The same holds true for this stupid day job. What do I do here? Nothing, really. I answer the phone, make copies, file documents and do a variety of unpredictable and irritatingly random things. And my creativity and brain power go out the window (or would, rather, if I sat anywhere near one). My ability to keep in touch with friends, to place orders for things I need online, to even read the news -- all of this is hindered by the sheer boredom I experience on a day to day basis. The more nothing I do here at work, the more nothing I do everywhere else in my life.

And it's getting exhausting!

I'm not saying I want the Positivity Patrol up my ass (for that would be crowded) but I do need to start focusing on the positive and making the best of the seven hours a day I sit here doing, well, nothing. It's just that I'm finding it terribly, terribly hard.