such wrongness as has never graced my inbox

I woke on Saturday to a situation that yielded three major complaints.

First, I checked my email, only to find a message from a stranger criticizing my resume. Rude! Not only did I not ask for this person's opinion, I didn't do anything to solicit it. Take note, readers: just because someone has a LinkedIn profile does not mean that someone wants your critique of it. (Especially if that someone is me!)

Peg Crits (sounds like a pseudonym to me!) told me that my vocabulary was boring, I had a spelling or grammar mistake (but she wouldn't tell me where), and that I would never ever get anywhere in life... without spending $399 to have a professionally designed LinkedIn profile!

(Did I mention RUDE?)

Second, I got a new message in my dating profile, so I logged in there to check it, and what did I get? A fifty-something guy in Florida who has a need to show me something INCREDIBLY WRONG:

Yeah, that's right. I got a schlong picture. (Or, as my mother pointed out later, it could be a "schlort" picture.) Please note the festive location, the looking-like-black-business-socks effect of the water, and the PIECES OF TAPE ON THE EDGE OF THE PICTURE, INDICATING THAT THIS WAS TAPED TO SOMETHING!

So wrong.

So very, very wrong.

The other picture he sent me had balloons tied to his schlort, and a kitty cat who was very confused.

And, what, dear god, was the third wrong thing? Nobody was awake or around for me to complain to!

p.s. Normally I would be kind enough to censor the face of someone posing in a photo like that, but my theory is that if you're sending around schlort pictures, you should expect them to end up on the internet.