the dirty license plate game

The Bronco in front of us was trying to turn left from the right hand lane, and Mom and I were having none of it. We were tired, hungry, and teetering on that dangerous precipice between hilarity and disaster.

“Come on,” I moaned, sorely tempted to lean on the horn. “We just want to go home.”

“Yeah,” said mom, reading the license plate in front of us, “get out of the way 3-4-7-P-D-T. You… poddy… doodoo… turd!”

And silence descended on the car for precisely 2.5 seconds (the exact timing used by famously hilarious Norwegian comedians) before mom and I broke into laughter that eventually brought tears to our eyes (and pee almost to our pants).

“That’s the worst you could do?!?” I gasped.

“Well, it’s what came to mind.”

And thus, the Dirty License Plate Game was born. Obviously, the point of the game is to come up with the dirtiest, foulest, most offensive combo that can be made from the license plates of those around you in traffic. You can warm up, as mom did, with some “offensive” language and then work your way up to the more obscene, lewd, and generally reprehensible combinations we’ve created over the years.

As many of you, I’m sure are aware, Thanksgiving Day traffic provides ample dirty license plate opportunities, and we were not ones to miss out on that. However, we grew weary of flinging swears willy-nilly, and mom and I found ourselves much more successful when we limited ourselves to a theme – you know, poop, sex, butts, bestiality, whatever.

And that’s when we came across a pickup truck with the simple license plate “CCSS.” Before our new themed version of the game, that could have been any variety of things – C*nty Clit Shit Sauce, for example, or Creamy Crappy Scrotum Squirt.

With the theme, however, it was merely “CRAP CRAP SHIT SHIT!”

Which, I’ll argue, is considerably funnier. (Especially when shouted out of context and apropos of nothing at the dinner table.)

Ah, family...