hi lights!

I’ve been reading book three of Teenage Vampires (and Werewolves) In Love, so I’ve been very busy. (Ok, ok, it’s actually called Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer, and I can’t help it that I’m a sucker for teen fiction.) I pried myself away from the book for a few minutes, though, to share with you some powerful reflections. (Which vampires do have, in this book, by the way.)

1. It’s funny how different things make different people lonely. For me, not having any plans all day and all night makes me feel really lonely. My friend, though? She feels lonely when she logs on to Facebook and sees that people she’s called have time to play on the internet, but not time to call her back. Another friend? He feels lonely when he goes out and can’t find anyone at the bar that he knows. Another friend gets lonely when her boyfriend’s away on business. It’s interesting to note what, specifically, triggers loneliness.

2. The other day I splurted a little bit of yogurt onto my keyboard. Not enough to cause a short circuit, but enough to drip down between the keys. I grabbed a letter opener and started prying off the yogurt-covered keys in order to de-Axelrod them, and promptly beaned myself in the eyeball with a lemony R. Awesome. (It hurt way more than I think you might be imagining.)

3. Do you ever walk into a grocery store and think, “Soon, all of this will be either trash or poop”?

4. No mints grow in winter. No mints taste like winter. So why the hell is there a “wintermint” flavor?

5. I have these three plums in my kitchen that have petulantly and steadfastly been refusing to ripen. Two weeks now, we’re talking! I imagine the memos exchanged between them:

From: Plum One
To: Plums Two & Three
Re: Our Mission

Well done, Plums. We have successfully remained here for two weeks now. The end is in sight!

Do not forget: Our mission is to stay as hard and yet get as mealy as possible. This is crucial to our survival. Do not give in to softening temptations. Do not even think of releasing ripening hormones.

If we succeed, we will be thrown out and turned into compost. If we fail… Stomach Acid.
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(Little do the plums know that if they fail in NYC, it’s not compost, it’s rats. Sorry little plums.)