vacational highlights

1. There are many cute guys in Portland. Sadly, they all look like they're 19.

2. People in Portland look you in the eye, and (get this) smile! It took me three days to get used to that, and now that I'm home, I'm scaring the crap out of people by smiling at them. Fun fun fun!

3. I went on a hike with my cousin Brian and he was whistling non-stop the whole time. Finally, we had this conversation:

me: You know that pain center in your brain where screaming and whining children register?

him: Yeah.

me: Well, for me, whistling's right next door.

him: hmmmm.

Then, not ten minutes later, he was whistling again! I kept from punching him for the rest of the hike, but that night, after a glass or two of wine, he started again.

me: YOU'RE KILLING ME WITH THE WHISTLING!

him: What? What do you mean?

me: Do you remember the conversation we had this morning about whistling?

him: Uh, no.

me: (repeating above conversation)

him: Well, you shouldn't have told me when I was suffering from oxygen deprivation on that hard-ass hike!

me: Mrrrrrr.

4. I came home one night after an athletic day and just needed to lay down for a little bit. When I walked in the door, Ella (the 6 year old) ran up to me and shouted "COUSIN LADY! Are you staying for dinner?"

"Yes," I said through my exhaustion, "I'm staying for the rest of the night. But right now, I'm going to go lay down upstairs, so less yelling would be better."

She looked at me, blinked her big eyes, and without missing a beat, screamed the most bloodcurdling scream I've heard in a long time.

Deafened and defeated, I shot daggers at her and muttered, "I'm. Not. Even. Going. To. Deal. With. That. Right. Now." and went upstairs while the nanny gave me the most apologetic since my roommate screwed my ex-boyfriend.

5. Did I mention that Ella has headlice? And that I was sleeping in her bed? Three words: Psychosomatic Itching Sucks.

More to follow. Stay tuned!