have a holly jolly christmas, damn it!

I'm so busy at work I can't see straight.

But I'm taking this opportunity to give you some christmas song lyrics that Brian and I concocted over Thanksgiving, while we were sitting in a crepe shop, listening to ultra-sappy christmas music, feeling like The Man was watching over us, forcing us to be merry and light.
We called it State Sponsored Christmas.

Now sing along. You MUST. There will be penalties for NOT SINGING. (you'll have to sit here, do all my work and listen to the inane blatherings of the yayas behind me, which the other day included (I kid you not) "That song by Celine Dion? That's really good to work out to." And that was from a guy!! Anyway... sing, if you know what's good for you)

Have a holly, jolly (state-sponsored) Christmas;
It's the best time of the year
Don't be sad, it makes us mad,
Drink up your cup of cheer (here's a straw).

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
Or we'll punch you in the face
It's not cool avoiding Yule
Hang décor all o'er your place.

Oh, bliss, the lights on fifth
Hung before Halloween;
Wouldn't want to miss Christmas;
That would be obscene.

Have a holly jolly (state-sponsored) Christmas,
and in case you didn't hear,
the State wants you, Christian or Jew,
to have Christmas this year.

Did everyone enjoy that? Well, here's another one. Sing it. SING!!!

Have yourself a merry fucking Christmas,
Shop until you cry
If you don't,
Your troubles will be so sky-high.
Have yourself a merry fucking Christmas,
Max out all your cards,
If you don't,
We'll make you hang out with the 'tards.

Here we are in November days,
Like December days of yore.
Radio, it will croon to us
Make us swoon, and thus, shop more.

Through the mall we all will spend together
All the stores we'll plow
"Ne'er again!" you'll hear weak shoppers start to vow.
Ignore them and keep shopping for your Christmas now.

You may all go back to work now. WORK! Or you can repeat both songs from the top. Your choice. (See? We're not a dictatorship. We give you choices!)