[insert witty post title here]

I've been busy lately. Forgive me for leaving you here all alone. (I'll buy you a pony later.)

Getting right to it:

A. the threatening elevator
You know how some elevators ding on the inside of the elevator and also on each floor as you go past? I was in one the other day that, when you combined the inner ding and the outer ding, you got the theme song from Jaws. Which would have been considerably less scary if I weren't on my way to the therapist.

B. the height police
My friend Jamie is all of 5 feet tall, and recently told me that she's not attracted to men who are under six feet. I got out my protractor, did some math (with accompaning graphs) and discovered that, when you hold your head at the angle required for that kind of height difference, it cuts off circulation to the logic centers of your brain, and any tall guy becomes attractive. So let that be a warning to you, short gals. Stick to the 5'8" and under crowd!

[this message brought to you by STALK: Single Tall Adorable Ladies'll Killyou]

C. the book of face
I was going to write the other day about how some people take facebook way too seriously, but then I became a victim of that myself, just today. Originally, I had been chatting with a guy who I didn't really speak to in college, hung out with a bit at the five year reunion, and haven't seen since. (Thanks, Facebook!) He seemed very depressed, and I tried to cheer him up over IM. My wit and utter charm must not have conveyed itself clearly, though, because our "conversation" ended by him telling me I had offended him and that all our classmates were assholes and anybody who has ever made money is an asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole.

"Sheesh!" I thought as I shut down my computer. "That guy takes Facebook way too seriously!"

Then, this afternoon, I stumbled across a series of pictures of women I used to be quite close with, all at a party together. A party to which I hadn't even been invited. And it stung, I'll be honest.

D. the good news
I started working with my coach again, and in the course of our conversation, he told me that I was "exceedingly normal." Even if it's not a legitimate turn of phrase, it's totally comforting.

E. the bad news
My favorite black cords are about to bust open in the seat.

F. the bad news redux
While in Boston, my sister and I were watching a 5K race go by her house. At one point, a guy came up to the stoop, blood pouring down the side of his face, and asked, "Just how badly am I bleeding?"

Polly tried not to blanche, balanced her brand new iphone on top of her coffee cup and popped inside to get him a wet paper towel. While she was gone, however, her phone rang -- well, vibrated really -- and went for a swim in her coffee.

It has yet to recover.

G. the good news redux
As difficult as the last year and a half has been for me in terms of dating and being alone, and wanting to be part of a relationship, this week I had an opportunity to see just how far I've come. And it's a lot longer than a Virginia Slims ad.