how wasabi peanuts are like guys

If you've never had a wasabi peanut, you're totally missing out. They're these little balls of fire that explode in your mouth, obliterate your sinuses and head straight for your tear ducts. Kind of like a really good date.

1. Wasabi peanuts make you doubt your preconceptions.
You think you know what you're going to get when you purchase wasabi peanuts. You think they'll be tasty, crunchy, hot -- but not too hot -- and fun to snack on. Except that's not true for every nut in there. Some are so hot you have to get up and walk it off. Some are duds. Some make you search for a glass of milk; others, you're fine with just water. Just when you think you've found the perfect balance of salt and peanut, BAM! You're smacked in the sinuses. Or, conversely, you're munching on a bland mass of peanuty goodness, when all of a sudden, enough heat kicks in, and you're in love!

2. Too much is not always a good thing.

It's almost as much fun to think about eating wasabi peanuts than it is to actually eat them. Especially when you first start eating wasabi peanuts, it's important to find the balance between the fun of the crucnhy saltball and the pain of busted sinuses. I like knowing they're in my desk, taking them out every couple of hours and popping one in my mouth. When I have four in a row, I kind of want to die a little.

3. Neither belongs up your nose.

4. It's fun talking about wasabi peanuts with your friends.

Especially if your friends have tried eating wasabi peanuts. Then they know the secrets -- like how inhaling through your nose can actually decrease the pain of a wasabi burn. They can teach you some tricks, like using your hand to fan your face (it both dries your tears and gives you enough fresh air to stay alive).

5. Wasabi peanuts are entertaining.

Ok, so you can't talk to them or send them emails, but wasabi peanuts can make you chuckle when you're all alone at your desk. That's worth something.

6. Wasabi peanuts are not a meal.

A girl cannot subsist on wasabi peanuts alone. She must eat a balanced diet which is accentuated and enlivened by the occasional wasabi peanut.

7. They look so disarmingly cute, it's easy to forget how hard they kick.

Just because it's been a few days since your last wasabi peanut and you've forgotten what it was like, don't expect it to be the same this time. They can always surprise you. Nonetheless, you should be prepared, just in case it was like last time (when you ended up sticking your nose in the sink thinking it would help).

8. You either love them, or you don't.

And, boy howdy, do I love them!