jobs, jobs and more jobs

Life is comprised of a variety of jobs.(beware anyone who starts a posting with the word "life." you're bound to get some crack-brained, thought-of-in-the-shower theory. but keep reading anyway.)

JOB 1, THE PAYING JOB
So, obvsiouly, there's the job you go to to get paid. For me, that's a legal secretarial position that hogs up 7-8 hours of my day. This is the most time consuming job (most days) but it eats up slightly less mind power over 7 hours than does 1 hour of the NY Times crossword puzzle.

JOB 2, THE ACTING GIG
This is the job we all love and live for, if we're actors. It's the second-most time consuming job, what with rehearsals and performances, learning lines and all that gratuitous drinking with the cast (although, technically, that part falls under other categories as well). This is not to be confused with

JOB 3, THE ACTING CAREER
This job is exhausting. And can and should be performed at both jobs 1 and 2. This is about building contacts, doing mailings, meeting people and trying to get your next acting gig. I hate this part, but do it religiously. Ok, that's a big fat lie. I try to do it religiously. And if I say in public that I do it religiously, then I have to live up to that.

JOB 4, THE GYM
This shouldn't be a job. In an ideal world, this would be a recreation, a pasttime, fun, actually. But an actress in NYC has to add this to her list of jobs or eventually her ass will get too big for costumes and then what is she supposed to do??

JOB 5, THE DIET
Yeah, see job 4. This is a simple job for many people, but not me. And since job 4 is such a hassle, job 5 has to have its reins tightened now and then. Now, especially. Since I'm at Job 1 and boss #4 has just placed a big tray of pastries on my desk. And man alive do I want to eat them all.

JOB 6, THE RELATIONSHIP
Like job 5, this is not necessarily a time-consuming job, but it is certainly a mind-consuming one. Especially when your other half (like mine) is across the country.

JOB 7, THE SELF
This is an ongoing job and intertwines itself with all the other jobs. When job 7 sucks, you can bet your ass that job 5 will do poorly. And vice versa. This one can take up as much or as little time and mind energy as you let it, but rest assured this is the one job you really can't quit. But lord would I like to sometimes.

JOB 8, THE SOCIAL LIFE
At some point, I stopped organizing these jobs and just put them in a random order. This job hogs up a lot of time (if you want it to) and planning for this job hogs up even more, I'd argue. But this, like job 6, is a totally rewarding job once you get the hang of it.

JOB 9, THE FAMILY
A job that becomes much more time and mind-consuming as any holiday approaches. For me, this is a pretty mini-job, assuming we keep away from hot topics (i.e., jobs 3, 5 and 6)

JOB 10, THE FINANCES
Much of this falls under job 1, unless you have no job 1. It only factors in now because I haven't done my taxes.

JOB 11, EVERYTHING ELSE
This includes dating, drugs/alcohol (see job 8), video games, masturbation, sports, politics, travel, blogging -- whatever else you do that takes up your time and focus.

So, ok, who has time for 11 jobs? Nobody. And here's my point. When any one job gets out of control, the other ones are bound to slip. If you're having a hard time with your friends, chances are pretty good you'll overeat, or skip the gym (or conversely, undereat and over-gym) (except if you're me). So for everyone out there who is stressed because they're not getting EVERYTHING done, quit one job this week. And then next week, quit another one. Just don't quit the same job two weeks in a row.

p.s. I'm not actually qualified to give advice, so please don't hold me responsible if you actually choose to quit job 1 (which is the one job I actually recommend not quitting)