from the department of what you don't need to know

From the department of WTF, Yahoo:

Really? You think I'm a codgy old guy who looks like he's faced with a choice between a poke in the eye and a poke in the fannyhole? And what, exactly, does this have to do with my going back to school? You need better ad servers.

From the department of good quotes:

"In the end, I'm only really looking for a one life stand." -- Hot Chip

From the department of fictional characters that should exist:

Fernando wants to create a Roman epic based on everyone's favorite hero, Neosporin! He could slay lions and infidels, and then come home and make everything heal without scarring!

From the department of online dating:

I've noticed that the quality of a guy's profile and looks are inversely proportional to his height. Guys over five eleven have profiles that say things like "I want to meet you if your smart," and "And Jay Kay from Jamiroqaui...I would definitely do him. But I'm not gay, or anything." Guys under five seven want to discuss fine literature while giving me backrubs and flashing their adorable smiles at me.

Tall guys send me emails that say "OMG!! u r so CUTE. I want to take u fold u up and put u in my back pocket and take u home to my mom," while short guys say "Every few years I'll add a new word to my repertoire of 'how I want to live my life.' In the past I chose Taoist influences like 'simplicity,' 'compassion,' and 'patience.' My newest contribution is 'authenticity,' which is a way for me to live honestly through my core beliefs..."

It is just painfully too bad that I would TOWER over these sweet, thoughtful, authentic guys, making me feel awkward and doofy, likely leading me to write in text speak and say stupid things.